Day 80-96 I Never Really Went Away

photo credit xdianicx@flickr

I'm still here but I guess you could say I'm back!

I've not made any further diet progress because my hormones flatlined and pretty much took me out. I was so exhausted that my one and only goal every single day was to get back into bed, even if it were only for 15 minutes. I was setting alarms all day long to get up and take care of things. Insane. I also started a new project that's been cantankerous and I'm rebuilding BreastHealthOnline.org. I mostly ate well, but due to the aforementioned situations it's been challenging. There is no new timeline addition to kick this month off because it's basically the same as last month. Nothing lost, nothing really gained. It's OK because I made progress in other areas.

My hormone situation is slowly coming around, though, and thanks to the special Melatonin recommended in Mary Shomon's book, "The Menopause Thyroid Solution", I've slept better and am actually dreaming! Never mind I dreamed my 12 year old daughter (aka Paris Hilton) not only lives with me but had a dorm of her own AND her own posh apartment - complete with guinea pigs that I never knew she owned. Shut up. Oh and let me just add - her apartment was spotlessly clean, unlike real life. Craziness.

But unruly children, dreams and diets aside, I have made HUGE progress on my house! This was also one of my New Years Resolutions. I've made fabulous progress in this department despite the exhaustion. Every single room is clean, except my office is a bit messy again. Nonetheless, my house is CLEAN! My closet and all my clothes are clean! My sheets are clean! My daughters room and bathroom really are clean now - miracle! My stove and microwave are clean! My fridge is clean! 1600 sq feet of hardwood is CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN! I cleaned up part of the garage and I've kept it all clean (cleaned it repeatedly...) for weeks and weeks now with the exception of my office. This is a first in 10 years. I've never had the energy to clean it in its entirety, and I've certainly not had the energy to keep it up after that. Where I found this energy I have no idea but it came in spurts and then I'd crash a few days. Wash, rinse, repeat! Ugh!

And so on Saturday I found myself standing in a totally clean house and realized that I could actually host Easter dinner here without too much trouble. Another first in I don't know how many years - like at least 7 years.

So, I planned a simple menu and invited my mom because honestly she may not have many Easter's left. I had ordered some See's candy a week ago so that was already in place and I happened to have had a few dozen eggs on hand to color - don't ask!

I made:
Red Potato Salad
Waldorf salad with Poppyseed dressing
Creamed spinach with sliced egg
Deviled eggs
Banana walnut carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (my own crazy recipe that's in my head...)

Then I made boiled ham for my mom. Sounds awful but she always did it this way and it's very good, well if you eat this sort of thing. I was sad to buy a ham but I did it. It was an extremely small ham. I have feelings about the little piggy that went to market. Don't get me started. I can't tell you last time I bought anything like this and it's really for my mom. Which doesn't justify it. I know. I'll shut up now.

Despite the PETA repercussions, we had a lovely afternoon. I ate some things I don't usually/shouldn't have but I'm back now. Last night I ran, swam and did yoga and of course, got back on my diet program. Oh yes - I started yoga in the middle of all this. YAY! The things that Mary Shomon's book recommended are really helping - Royal Maca, sub-lingual progesterone and IODINE. More on this in the future - it's worth its own blog post.

So things are getting better and hopefully this hormone transition won't be too hard and things will become more stable for me.

It's a process! I've got the rest of the year ahead of me to work on everything but for now I'm loving my clean house. I feel all grown up!

Day 37 Pantry Progress!

Well, it didn't happen in January but now in February I finally got my pantry and fridge cleaned out of literally tons of stuff that is NOT needed. Many things were just old (graham cracker crumbs, anyone?!) that had to go but there was some 'useful' food for others that I will give away.

My daughter (12) is not fully low fat raw vegan and so there are still things around for her. It's not really good for me but you can only do so much. I have been slowly phasing her into healthier eating, though prying the macaroni and cheese out of her little fingers may prove difficult. She also sits in a classroom all day and can't just go eat a banana or orange if she's hungry, so it's a challenge. Then there is the almighty peer pressure for a kid just launching into the teen scene *HELP*

My plan is to get me there and get her eating better overall. In time we'll find new ways for her to have healthier choices at all times.

I wish I would have had these things introduced to me as a kid. I struggled so watching my mother fail on diet after diet, not to mention my early Milk Bone dog biscuit diet from age 4-8 when not enough other food was available to me since she felt withholding food would prevent me from getting fat like my older sisters were. Turns out my sisters were just growing and it all evened out once they got past puberty. Ugh. The dog and I were great friends. It really sucked when she bought the liversnap flavor. I kept telling her the dog hated those but he didn't help the situation by gulping them down. Damn dog.

I still remember her 'scrambled egg and celery diet' that went on forever and who can forget the, "Peel a Pound Soup" that so many people ate. Ew. I remember feeling hopeless that everything I ate 'made me fat' and either binged or did not eat. At least my daughter has had better info and better nutrition and better examples for all of her life, even if she was on a SAD diet. At least it wasn't a junk food SAD diet.

So, one step at a time. Can't wait to clean out my closet. Tons of clothes that are so old, don't fit one way or another and just must go!

Day 21 Week 3

3 weeks? It seems a lot longer! LOL! Not in a bad way, though today was like forever and a year, but not due to my food.

I've lost 8 pounds since the first week of the New Year and 20 pounds total since last year. I've also lost 20 inches, and those are from January 1st to date.

For week 3 I've walked 4.7 miles, swam 1.5 miles and have eaten 36 bananas. To date I've walked 13.4 miles, swam 4.16 miles and have eaten 76 bananas. Who knew?

This has been a pretty rough week. Lots going on and many distractions and lots of stress. Hopefully next week won't kill me like this one did. It was just a series of unfortunate events.

I admit to be pretty banana obsessed. I'm always buying them, always carrying one or two, always on the look out for the correct ripeness and always worrying I won't be able to get them if I need them.

DR. PHIL!!!

Other than that, things are fine. I'm hoping the next week is a little better though. I still need to eat more, get a little more organized and not do bad things to myself like try food I shouldn't be eating. Hopefully lesson learned.

But still, progress. 3 weeks down, 49 to go!

Here's the most current before and after face shot:

Day 8 Sleep in Peace

Somehow between my surgery and the first of the year my sleep got even more whacked out than it already was. Over December I would be up til 4 am and then sleep til noon. I'd also nap again later because I was recovering from surgery and I let myself do that all I needed. I know that was one big reason I actually healed quickly and did well. Once the first of the year came I needed to get back on track but then I added raw vegan to the mix, which can result in needing less sleep. Things got pretty wild.

I forced myself to go to bed around 10 p.m. each night. Sometimes I'd be a little late and hit the hay by 11 p.m. Still, I'd lay in bed awake for up to 5 hours, thinking of all kinds of things, reading stuff, poking fat cats, counting sheep, but not able to go back to sleep. I'd have to wake up by 6 am to get my daughter to school and I feared the horrible exhaustion I lived through all of last year would over take me again.

But, that didn't happen. The first few nights of being up for hours freaked me out, but I discovered my energy wasn't really impacted the next day. Each day I fell asleep earlier and earlier and then I also started sleeping all night - another first.

It's after 11:00 pm now and I really should be in bed to stay on track but with requiring less sleep, it seems to be working out. Tomorrow is Saturday. I can sleep in some if I need to, get up a little later and it'll all be good.

The best part is waking up feeling almost normal again. I think I still have some overall fatigue and of course, still some internal healing going on which zaps some energy, but my energy is good during the day and I'm starting to be able to get more things done in my life.

I've been cleaning various aspects of the kitchen all week. Today I cleaned my gas stove top. It was a horrible mess that needed to be done well before my surgery but I ran out of time. I kinda laughed when I was done because I really won't have to do that again for a very long time!

As Michael Buble says in his song, "Feeling Good", Sleep in peace when the day is done, that's what I mean.

Day 7 Week 1

Well, it's been a whole week. I've lost 5 pounds this first week of the New Year and 17 pounds total since last year.

This week and to date I've walked 4.6 miles, swam 1.66 miles and have eaten 18 bananas, for those who keep asking how many bananas I'm eating!

The benefits of just one week:

1. My belly feels peaceful.

2. I have no more of the magical expanding elasti-belly going on.

3. My waist is 3" smaller (full report at end of month)

4. I have not even the slightest water retention bump whatsoever on my ankles.

5. My mouth feels (and looks) so clean it's weird.

6. My sense of smell is incredible. I'm nearly knocked out when I walk into Whole Foods there are so many aromas in there.

7. My face is a lot more clear. I have no new break outs.

8. I'm not craving anything other than more fruit and vegetables.

9. I've had a lot more energy the entire week.

10. I spend a whole lot less time grocery shopping.

11. Unless I choose to make something fancy, I spend a whole lot less time on food prep. Grab some fruit and run if I'm short on time. Easy.

12. Even if I make something fancy I spend a whole lot less time on clean up and dishes.

13. Even less to clean: I don't get the stove or microwave dirty :D

14. I have a whole lot less trash since there isn't food packaging to contend with.

15. I'm requiring less sleep and feeling a lot more rested to boot. This morning I woke up at 4:30 am and wanted desperately to run out to buy parsley - LOL.

16. My borderline sleep apnea thing stopped (at day 3) where it feels like something was stuck up in there and flapping across some breathing port, causing all kinds of snorting and disrupted sleep. I'd suffocate if I was on my back. It's gone. Stopped. Amazing.

17. At week 5 of my surgery recovery, I feel at 100% and I never would have expected that.

18. My bikini line incision is fully healed and turning white. Past experience has been I don't heal well or easily. There is still swelling to go down over time and internal healing. But I have no pain, no pulling, no additional tiredness that tells me I need more rest or more nutrients. Still I am still mindful of my nutrition and of being in bed 8 hours because I know there is still internal healing going on.

19. I feel a lot more peaceful overall.

20. I have a lot more hope for the future.

One week down, 51 to go!

Day 1 ...and I'm Feeling Good

I thought this day would never arrive. All these years of learning, contemplating and changing my diet so I could eat in a way that was totally natural to monkeys. LOL! Finally January 1. I'm so ready to do this. I didn't even go crazy and eat a bunch of stuff I'd 'never get again'. I'm so over that. I had a few things in the last days: A cup of coffee, a little chocolate, a sandwich on Christmas day but nothing crazy. Thing was, those things weren't even good when I ate them. So, I'm ready!

Got up today, had a great breakfast of a banana, orange, pear and cantaloupe. Walked 1.5 miles and swam .6 of a mile, or 10 lengths. Hey, I gotta work back up to my former two miles in the pool, which will be 132 lengths. I can't even imagine that right now and I did that for years. It used to take me 2 hours. Today I eeked out 10 lousy lengths. What a joke but hey, gotta start somewhere. I really thought I'd kick out more than that. Well, just getting over surgery. Yep, that's my story. You know what though, I am such a fish I just love how I feel after I swim. I nearly cried when I got back in the pool I was so happy to be there. The pool is salt water so no chlorine but the jacuzzi has chlorine. Hate to admit it but I love how I can still smell the salt and the chlorine on me when I'm done. I LOVE TO SWIM! In fact, my custom license plate frame says, Swim More. Quack Less.

Had a big salad for lunch. I was so craving it. First time in my life, however, I've not had salad dressing. I admit I stood there making one of those :/ faces for a while, trying to think of what was legal to pour over it. I know I can make a pureed red pepper and tahini dressing or something but I decided to just tough out out. I sprinkled the teeniest amount of ground red pepper and off I went. It was very good. I didn't miss the dressing at all. All the veggies were great. I probably shouldn't have had a whole avocado - it spiked my fat for the day but it was pretty ripe and needed to be eaten. C'est la vie. The rest of the day may still balance it out, though.

Some of the questions I have about what might be possible:
Can I reduce the puffiness in my face, jawline and around my eyes?
Will I finally wake up after just 8 hours of sleep and actually feel really good for once?
Will I finally have energy to get through my day instead of dragging myself through it in tears?
Will my skin clear up and stop breaking out?
How flat can I get my belly?
Will I look younger? Many people guess I'm mid 30's right now. What will they guess when I reach my goals?
Will I no longer need vitamin supplements?
Will this help me endure menopause thanks to my recent hysterectomy? I hope so!
Will I ever be able to bend over and put on my shoes without needing a nap afterwards?
Will the vision come back in my right eye? The loss is considered congenital but once in a while I will actually have crystal clear vision out of it. It's a very, very rare occurrence but I'd love to regain my sight in that eye. The fact it returns once in a blue moon tells me there is hope for the future, despite the doctors being clueless and pessimistic.


Some of the other things I'm looking at doing for myself are:
Going to bed by 10 pm so my body doesn't kick in its 2nd wind and screw up my cortisol.
Getting up early everyday and getting my 'me time' in before the onslaught of my life takes over.
Cleaning up/out one room at a time of clutter. No, my house doesn't look like some NY apartment with paths everywhere. I just want to clean out the cabinets and closets so I can find stuff and think again!

My first pick: The kitchen pantry. I'm going to schedule a day for this and then get on it.

Enjoying my waterlogged self today very much and feeling good!

Goals For The Next 365 Days

So, what's the plan?!

GOALS:
Lose my excess weight
Get in shape, become stronger and more flexible
Look younger
Improve my skin
Grow my hair longer
Take good care of myself
Organize my house
Be more honest and authentic with myself

Diet:
I could blather on for quite some time of my personal experiences with food over the last 46 years and what I plan to eat now and why, or I could just direct you to Steve Pavlina's Raw Food Blog where the first page will tell you virtually everything I've come to learn and agree with about what to eat and why.

Then you could read Harley Johnstone's interview and get a better feel for why someone would do the 80/10/10 plan, or 811 as it's sometimes called. His interview will help dispel some myths you may hold about things like fruit in your diet. Whatever you think, you get to sit there eating whatever you choose, drawing your own conclusions in the end!

I will be posting what I eat everyday as well as my activity on my Fitday Journal, which is public and tracks all sorts of additional information. Check my "Links in this blog" section to access it anytime.


Exercise:
When I start tomorrow on January 1, 2010 I will be 4 weeks post op from a total hysterectomy. I've done amazingly well; the only glitch was I caused myself 4 full days of unrelenting pain at week 3 due to the clutch in my car, compounded by being stuck in traffic. Who knew? I am pretty much over that as I approach week 4 right now.

I will be walking on my treadmill and lap swimming 3 days a week to start. As I continue to recover from surgery, I'll increase either days or distance or both. I used to walk and swim every single day - 6 miles of walking, 2 miles of swimming. I might settle for 5-6 days a week down the line.

Truth be told, my main goal in all of this really is to have a flat belly again. I can't tell you how much I miss my 20" waist, though I might be willing to settle on a 26" waist at this point in my life. We'll see. I bought a new Hip Hop DVD Abs workout from eBay at a steal of a price. I can't wait to use it. I also have a running book that is something like a 13 week primer on getting back into running. I may convert my treadmill walking to that later down the line.

I will definitely have before and after pictures as well as measurements and other reports of how the year is going. Some of these things will be at Fitday.

Life:
I won't horrify you with the last 12 years, but in the last 6 years a lot has gone on. My father died. I divorced my alcoholic husband. I had a brain tumor and then brain surgery. 5 months later I moved by myself 2000 miles across the country from where I spent the first 40 years of my life to a new home in a strange city. A few months later my very dependent mother followed me to the same city. As a single mom who has been through a lot and hasn't felt all that well for a very long time, my house and life really need a good going over. The clutter depresses me and harms my productivity as well as creativity. I'm am dedicating this year to taking care of me - mind, body and soul - and that includes clearing out the clutter in my life, wherever it may be.

Schedule:
Probably the most important part of this is juggling my needs here with what I must accomplish on any given day for other people. I'm Pisces and I tend to be more 'floaty' than organized. That's compounded by the fact that stuff flies out of left field at me all the time. Being that I am a single mom while also fully running my half-dementia ridden mother's life to boot, I am pretty overwhelmed. One of my goals is to say no more and realize I'm not responsible for a lot of things that have been shoved onto my shoulders by my mother, including being her 24 hour a day freak out system and her sole source of social life. I'm sorry she doesn't want to make friends but I simply cannot fill her days with stimulating conversation or exciting activities, while letting myself completely go. Nor can I resolve her endless myriad of health tiny health issues, from 'perplexing' age spots to random fleeting pains at the age of 81. I make sure all her needs are met. I cannot fulfill her every wish and whim and I don’t have the luxury endless shopping, hours of visiting and movie going. They say parents of school aged children and aging parents face stress greater than combat stress. I've never been in combat so I can't qualify that, but can tell you I would gladly wield an AK47 and risk death over some of the things I've endured being in this position. I'm exhausted.

Speaking of the military, I've struggled with not being very regimented my whole life. I beat myself up over it, decided it was OK not to be, got annoyed at others who couldn't deal with it and now I just want to deal with it. I have never been a 'must do laundry on Monday person' but I think my life would flow a lot easier if I'd adhere to some sort of schedule. Currently everything really does get done (except the proper care, exercise and feeding of myself) but it's in some sort crazed attention disordered way and the main point of this is to change that. I don’t have ADD, I just act like it – LOL! I may create some sort of online schedule thing to maximize my days and get the most out of them.

Last, but not least I want to become more responsible and stop putting things off, stop huddling in my office chair trying to shut out the world. I know I do it because I have had too much to handle as one small person but pretending it doesn't exist doesn’t really work, either. I want to be more honest and authentic with myself and deal with things head on. Now, my behavior may be more out of self preservation than cowardice so I'll have to see how this is going – but I do know the feeling I want to bring forth and that's what I need to focus on.

Friday is the 1st is almost here. I half ate correctly and I ate some stuff I wanted to in the last few weeks and realized those soon to be off limit things weren't as fulfilling as I'd hoped. I had my last cup of coffee this morning. It's been good spending the last weeks of the year setting this up and getting me ready to embark on hopefully a much improved life.