Day 365

mondopanno@flickr


Well, it's the end of my first 365 days. It's been such a wild and interesting year. Besides the Jerry Springer Edition, there was a lot of personal growth as well as learning curve about going Raw. It's still the single most compelling thing I've ever done. The benefits so outweigh eating any other way. I'm hooked and have developed habits I will not be giving up.

Yet, it's not been easy and it's true that it can take a year and more to transition. I will admit I certainly did not reach any weight or body goals at all. But, I wasn't raw the entire time, either. Stress, my mother, my teen, my life - all took tolls. At first I thought that switching to so much orange juice probably was not a good idea. In fact, if I look back it was when I started doing that when things stopped going so well, except then I realized when I started to not feel well was when I inadvertently added a bunch of toxic fluoride to my life - goodbye ACT and Crest! Geez! I've also done other juices - such as BreastHealthOnline's Super Lemon Recovery juice which is posted with us as well as at LiveStrong.com Though with the OJ, I will say that I was pretty much never sick with a cold in 2010!

But, the biggest gain of 2010 was learning to give up salad dressing. I know, laugh all you want but I'd like to propose you try it :) I discovered I had the answer back when I was 19 when my friend Richard Conger back in my home town of Wrightwood, CA taught me to juice and eat what would now be considered a vegan diet. One of the salads he made all the time had avocado, sesame oil and garlic salt. It was my all-time favorite salad and I've eaten it through the years.

I started making this salad again and realized I did not need the sesame oil. I simply used the garlic salt. And at that point I stopped using salad dressings forever. It was liberating because I was very stuck at that point.

I also worked on me a lot. I got a lot closer to God. The 'Ten Monks' CD saved my life :) I listen to it all the time and now I let God do all the heavy lifting. I just have the fun of pointing at what I might like to possibly do and then leave the rest to him.

I discovered a lot about me. I said NO a lot to people for the first time in my life. I left many situations where I wasn't being treated well. It got easier and easier and now I can say no and much worse (laugh) whenever I feel the need.

I'm still working through Geneen Roth's Women, Food & God. Highly recommended as are her audio sessions at her website. Go. Do it. Your over-eating or poor eating is really a doorway or your insight into what's eating YOU. It's very simple and when you open that door and let it be, the food problem falls away. The challenge is opening that door before you open the fridge. It's do-able. DO IT.

Last year I was part of a gym but once my mother fell ill I went infrequently. This year I have a few friends to go to the Y with me, along with my daughter and so I'm hoping to make much more physical progress this year.

I am not disappointed that I didn't get farther along in Raw this year. I'm grateful for all I learned and looking forward to...the next 365 days.

I hope I can post more this year. We'll see. Happy New Year to everyone.

Day 80-96 I Never Really Went Away

photo credit xdianicx@flickr

I'm still here but I guess you could say I'm back!

I've not made any further diet progress because my hormones flatlined and pretty much took me out. I was so exhausted that my one and only goal every single day was to get back into bed, even if it were only for 15 minutes. I was setting alarms all day long to get up and take care of things. Insane. I also started a new project that's been cantankerous and I'm rebuilding BreastHealthOnline.org. I mostly ate well, but due to the aforementioned situations it's been challenging. There is no new timeline addition to kick this month off because it's basically the same as last month. Nothing lost, nothing really gained. It's OK because I made progress in other areas.

My hormone situation is slowly coming around, though, and thanks to the special Melatonin recommended in Mary Shomon's book, "The Menopause Thyroid Solution", I've slept better and am actually dreaming! Never mind I dreamed my 12 year old daughter (aka Paris Hilton) not only lives with me but had a dorm of her own AND her own posh apartment - complete with guinea pigs that I never knew she owned. Shut up. Oh and let me just add - her apartment was spotlessly clean, unlike real life. Craziness.

But unruly children, dreams and diets aside, I have made HUGE progress on my house! This was also one of my New Years Resolutions. I've made fabulous progress in this department despite the exhaustion. Every single room is clean, except my office is a bit messy again. Nonetheless, my house is CLEAN! My closet and all my clothes are clean! My sheets are clean! My daughters room and bathroom really are clean now - miracle! My stove and microwave are clean! My fridge is clean! 1600 sq feet of hardwood is CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN! I cleaned up part of the garage and I've kept it all clean (cleaned it repeatedly...) for weeks and weeks now with the exception of my office. This is a first in 10 years. I've never had the energy to clean it in its entirety, and I've certainly not had the energy to keep it up after that. Where I found this energy I have no idea but it came in spurts and then I'd crash a few days. Wash, rinse, repeat! Ugh!

And so on Saturday I found myself standing in a totally clean house and realized that I could actually host Easter dinner here without too much trouble. Another first in I don't know how many years - like at least 7 years.

So, I planned a simple menu and invited my mom because honestly she may not have many Easter's left. I had ordered some See's candy a week ago so that was already in place and I happened to have had a few dozen eggs on hand to color - don't ask!

I made:
Red Potato Salad
Waldorf salad with Poppyseed dressing
Creamed spinach with sliced egg
Deviled eggs
Banana walnut carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (my own crazy recipe that's in my head...)

Then I made boiled ham for my mom. Sounds awful but she always did it this way and it's very good, well if you eat this sort of thing. I was sad to buy a ham but I did it. It was an extremely small ham. I have feelings about the little piggy that went to market. Don't get me started. I can't tell you last time I bought anything like this and it's really for my mom. Which doesn't justify it. I know. I'll shut up now.

Despite the PETA repercussions, we had a lovely afternoon. I ate some things I don't usually/shouldn't have but I'm back now. Last night I ran, swam and did yoga and of course, got back on my diet program. Oh yes - I started yoga in the middle of all this. YAY! The things that Mary Shomon's book recommended are really helping - Royal Maca, sub-lingual progesterone and IODINE. More on this in the future - it's worth its own blog post.

So things are getting better and hopefully this hormone transition won't be too hard and things will become more stable for me.

It's a process! I've got the rest of the year ahead of me to work on everything but for now I'm loving my clean house. I feel all grown up!

Day 76 Taking Matters into My Own Hands

photo credit Mondopanno@flickr

Okay the gloves are off. I'm TIRED of being TIRED. Waaaay tired.

It's been 4 months since my hysterectomy and as per my doctor I have not taken anything to supplement for the first 4 months due to the endometriosis die off, which I agree with.

But now I feel I need something since the exhaustion is so bad. I will not ever take anything made by big pharma but I will consider natural alternatives. I have the book, "The Menopause Thyroid Solution" by Mary J. Shoman and today I decided to take up some of her suggestions because as pointed out by my 12 year old, no matter how much I sleep (and it's epic...) I never feel any better and I really should be feeling great on this diet. I know it's not the diet making me this tired. How do I know this? First of all, everyone else I know on this diet feels great and secondly, oranges and bananas do not typically turn people into unruly little green monsters with alternating crying and screaming fits! *laugh* *laugh* *laugh*

So today I ordered some Royal Maca Plus. There are two versions and the book highly recommends the Whole World Botanical brand. I chose the 'plus' because I had trouble with cysts and it is more helpful for those with estrogen problems. It helps even those out more. I'm also going to try sub-lingual progesterone. When you take it in pill form, your liver is affected. When you rub it on your skin in cream form, it can build up in your fat tissues. If you take it sub-lingually it is absorbed more readily and doesn't encounter the liver like a pill would or build up in your fat stores.

I can't wait. I don't want to drag my body through one more long, hard day. I'll let you know how it goes. I will add that as long as I stay on my diet I do not have any hot flashes, but let me eat something off my diet and BLAM - you could fry an egg on my skin! So, the diet is a good thing. I just need some hormone help since I have no ovaries to provide what my body needs and maybe I should do something about it before homicidal tendencies set in!

Days 64-75 I've been busy!

Wow has it been 10 days? It really seems like 6 months.

Remember in the beginning when I said that besides getting a grip on my diet and body I wanted to take control of my house and weed out all the clutter?

Well, I've been doing that. It actually dawned on me a few days ago that I've been SPRING CLEANING - and it's not even spring yet. Is it possible that for once in my life I'm ahead?!

Oh I've been doing other projects than cleaning my house. Let's see, there was that appointment I had with stress and a myriad of other new things in my life as well as the old things like dealing with a pre-teen and an elderly mother with no memory. Hers, not mine, though I'd like to forget, I really really would!

Anyway I realized I've made much more progress than I thought. Here's the list:

Cleaned microwave & stove.
Cleaned out the fridge and pantry completely. So nice!
Cleaned my aviaries - huge job! The cats still wonder when those little suckers will be big enough to eat.
Cleaned out my closet. Took out 4 HUGE bags of clothes not needed and sent to a friend who did need them.
Cleaned my master suite completely - took my bed all apart. Washed the sheets, blankets and comforter twice.
Vacuumed the hardwood twice and mopped it twice to boot.
Cleaned all the floor to ceiling mirrors, the vanity mirrors and my gilt tri-mirror. Wow, I can actually see myself now!
Cleaned my dressing room vanity up and cleaned my bathroom too.

So all that plus my regular duties and everything I do over at BreastHealthOnline.org.

As for my diet, it's not been perfect, though my weight remains the same. I'm struggling with stress and I'm also struggling with some pretty severe exhaustion. I cannot figure it out. I do not think it's the diet. I think it is either stress, which I handle very poorly thanks to a former brain tumor or it's the hysterectomy and I need something - like progesterone. I've also not made it to the gym or any other form of exercise. I just can't find the time and any extra time I do have I am falling asleep. It's sort of like narcolepsy - I am falling asleep even driving short distances :(

Either way, it totally TOTALLY sucks. I slept much of today and still wake up just BONE TIRED. I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it more than I can even say.

Yes, I should go to the doctor. Right. Have you read about the 'medical care' I typically get? Yeah. I'd basically have to diagnose myself and go in and tell them what to do. When I figure out what's wrong with me, I'll do that.

In the meantime I've not given up. It's just a part of the road. I'm staring down turning 47 on Saturday - first day of Spring. It was bothering me and now I really don't give a damn. I just want my energy back. It sucks to drag your body around all day and force it through a bunch of motions it doesn't want to do. I was lucky to get all that cleaning done for myself. It's long overdue because of my exhaustion levels. At least it's good for now.

If you have any extra energy send it my way ;)

Day 63 Week 9

photo credit ratterrell@flickr

I'm just gonna run on by and update 'cause I'm working on something else and gotta get back to it.

This week I ate 20 bananas and 60 oranges. I did not get any treadmill or swimming in. Today I have a terrible headache. I'm not eating quite enough and I'm a little dehydrated. My weight is the same though I am feeling a bit thinner in the hips and bum area!

To date I've walked 31.15 miles, swam 7.5 miles and have eaten 233 bananas and 322 oranges. The banana and orange count amazes me!

9 weeks down, 43 to go!

Day 62 Sanity Preservation

photo credit Silly lil' Doe!@flickr

Today I just took it easy. I had the luxury of being home all day and my daughter had late band practice. I didn't have to face the world til 4:30 p.m. I felt like I'd won the lottery. I was so happy to be home. I did whatever I wanted, which actually ended up being cleaning my bird aviary and then I had a short nap with the cats and dog. I also ate whatever I wanted and left the world behind for the day.

Tomorrow is another day and everything will be back on track. I have to say I love this lifestyle because returning to it is very compelling. Again, I think via this blog and the support of my friends that by planning to care for myself over the course of the year can only bring positive and lasting results. The effects one one day of down time can't negate the other 364.

Below I'm including a link to an article on two simple ways to be a happier parent. Now, it could just be my mood today but I really expected this article to mention duct tape and cyanide. Surprisingly, no. Well, maybe it will help someone else :D

Two Simple Ways to Be a Happier Parent

Day 60 New Month!

photo credit iheartlinen@flickr

Once again a new month before me. I'm hoping I'll lose some weight this month. The inches are great but I'm not interested in being the only 170 lb size 2 person on the planet! I know I build muscle with exercise. That's great but lets get the weight off please.

Last month was hard, lots of stress and then I was sick. I am fortunate to have lost the 13.5 inches. Eating more simply works a lot better. I feel I have my food routine down well. It's interesting to see what a habit this has become and how there's really no turning back. Besides fruit and vegetables being such a huge part of my life, I never used to eat breakfast. I eat breakfast everyday now. I eat much more and more regularly than I have my whole life. I really look forward to fruit for breakfast and big salads later in the day. While I might not be following a perfect continuum, I think the progress over this year will be interesting and gratifying. I'm also curious how many other people are still working on their New Year's resolutions. I am!

With winter being so long it seems this year and having to care for my mom and try to keep my head above water, it's been hard to get to the gym. My sleep remains a disaster. I hope to still get more exercise in, miraculously fix my sleep and get to the gym more this month. HA!

I turn 47 on the 20th of this month - the first day of Spring. Please send some happy headway thoughts my way :)

Day 59 Weights, Measures and Pictures!

2 months down.

Even more so than last month when I was thinking there wouldn't be much discernible change, I was thinking there would be no change at all this month. I figured a new photo would be a waste of time as it wouldn't show any changes whatsoever. I took a pic anyway just to prove to myself there were no changes.

But while the scales registered virtually no loss, happily the measurements and pics told another story. I strongly recommend people use measurements and photos and not just rely on the scale to track their progress.

Below are all the stats and time line pics. Again, the surgery noted on the pics was a hysterectomy where they found a severe case of endometriosis. I did not have a tummy tuck or gastric surgery or anything like that. I am now 3 months post op from all of that.

Starting weight: 192 (Nov)
Current weight: 170

Total weight lost:
22 lbs since November.
10 lbs lost in January.
No weight lost in February.

Total inches lost:
32 inches lost in January.
13.5 inches lost in February - this really took me by surprise.
45.5 inches lost to date - YAY!

12/31
Weight 180
Neck 15
Chest 41
Bust 45
Midriff 38
waist 40 (on Nov 16th, 2 weeks before my surgery, this measurement was 48". The additional 8 inches is not factored into my inch loss.)
Belly 45
Hips 45
Thigh 26
Knee 20
Calf 15.5
Ankle 8.5
Bicep 16
Forearm 9.5
Wrist 6.25
Hair 16

1/31
Weight 170
Neck 14.5
Chest 37
Bust 42
Midriff 35
Waist 35 (I've lost 13 inches since Nov here!)
Belly 43
Hips 42
Thigh 24.5
Knee 16
Calf 14.75
Ankle 8
Bicep 12.5
Forearm 8.75
Wrist 5.75
Hair 18 (I'm growing my hair...)

2/28
Weight 170
Neck 13.5
Chest 35
Bust 40
Midriff 33.5
Waist 33 (I've lost 15 inches since Nov here!)
Belly 42
Hips 40
Thigh 23.5
Knee 15.5
Calf 14.5
Ankle 8
Bicep 12.5
Forearm 8.5
Wrist 5.75
Hair 18.5 (I'm growing my hair...)




Wow. I was totally wrong about the changes. I'm excited. My daughter asked me if the new picture was one of the ones she was playing around with in photoshop in January. NO IT IS NOT! There is absolutely no photo shopping done here at all.

She was amazed.

I'm amazed she's still living. LOL.

Again, can't wait to see the changes for next month and this time hope a few more pounds fall off. I'm not going to be staying off the scales for a month at a time. I'm going back to my regular routine of weighing daily. While I think it works well for others, I don't think it works well for me.

306 days or 10 months to go.

Day 57 The Secret End of Hot Flashes

photo credit myori@flickr

Can raw fruits and vegetables end your hot flashes? I don't have a scientific study for you but can tell you something really odd I've noticed about myself.

I had a hysterectomy this past December. I am not on hormones as per my doctor (and my own preferences). I was told I'd have hot flashes for many months while the endometriosis died off. I started to get them in December. In January when I went 100% raw, they stopped. I have no hot flashes while eating raw. But, if I stray I have them in increasing severity and intensity. Without a doubt the occurrences are food related.

Another benefit: If I stay 100% raw I have no urgent little girl's room issues and no incontinence or anything like that. Everything is perfectly normal. But, if I stray off my diet these things come flooding back. Pun intended :)

Just some food for thought.

Day 55 I'm Back

photo credit Xavier Fargas@flickr

I'm back. At least I seem to be. Well, at least the food part is intact so I'm going with it. A few days of feeling wonky and not eating enough have left me looking horrible. Once I'm fully hydrated again I'll look a lot better.

The end of the month is looming and I'd like to make a little progress if possible. Exercise has been out all week. Soon I'll have a whole new month ahead of me to continue on the journey.

Day 52, 53, 54

photo credit: my daughter

I see it's been a few days. If you've read, I've been sick. I'm still standing. I'm just tired. I'm usually tired all the time but now I'm really tired - LOL. Wasn't sure I could be more tired than I was but apparently I'm wrong. Certainly wouldn't be the first time.

I'm not giving up. I'm just giving myself some time off from the computer.

I wish I could have been a little further along in this so I'd be stronger. I see that's not the plan. Still, I'm here. Eating bananas. Juicing oranges. Staying in bed as much as I can when my daughter is at school.

Speaking of which, most children grace the home fridge with colorful artwork. Mine posts warning notices. I have to wonder what sort of career she's headed for.

Stay tuned.

Day 51 Caution: Life Ahead

photo credit Gwen@Flickr

My life: World record for most speed bumps per square inch.

On Thursday I had some persistent itching on my side from my back and across my ribs. Hmmm. In the back of my mind I knew better, but decided to chalk it up to the possibility of some soap residue on my skin.

It returned again Thursday evening around bedtime.

On Friday morning I went back to bed forever after taking my daughter to the bus stop. Laying on my right side seemed painful as well as itchy. I've been impossibly tired lately. Nothing seems to help. It's so easy to blame 'the diet', but I can't ignore the fact that I'm depressed and run down from too much stress lately. 'Luckily', stress ramped itself up 100 more notches Thursday night thanks to my darling pre-teen daughter.

Friday night I knew I was doomed and needed to see the doctor first thing Saturday morning. "I went to the doctor with mom today and she has Sherpels disease", I hear my daughter tell my ex on the phone tonight.

By the time he called back to say WTF... my Sherpels had been downgraded to Shingles. Ah, yes, now it makes sense, as if any of my life ever really does. Everyone knows that only characters in Dr. Seuss stories ever get Sherpels.

For the record, I did not see the doctor. I saw the nurse practitioner. I never get to see the doctor except for the one 'fortuitous' encounter when the blithering (female) troll told me I should have both my ovaries removed so I could do away with, you know, that pesky sex drive. My male GYN was appalled. I wasn't reporting any sex drive issues, nor was I interested, Dr. Weinstock, in your slight of 'hand' that revealed yours. I was asking about the wisdom of keeping one ovary vs removing both. Oy.

Anyway, this nurse practitioner has never ceased to be a complete moron and complete morons are rare. I hesitate to even give him credit as a nurse much less a nurse practitioner. I know so many more highly intelligent people in the nursing field.

The first time I met him he 'diagnosed' me with 'bipolar disorder'. I was very sick that day and was suffering some anxiety over what was going on with me. Truth is you can't diagnose someone with bipolar disorder the first time you meet them, and certainly not in a 5 minute evaluation, I don't care who you are.

Furthermore, having been through 14 continuous years (my entire marriage...) of therapy, complete with visits to a psychiatrist to treat major depression as well as having been administered all the regular psychiatric tests, not once was I ever diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Just major depression attributable to living with an alcoholic. I think they would have clearly established if I was bipolar at some point over 14 years of care. Right.

Oh but he didn't stop there. He also 'diagnosed' my Vit D deficiency as IBS or Crohns or possibly colon cancer without any formal tests. This guy has the psychic powers of a medically sterilized turd. Ahem, I had Vit D deficiency. Let's not make it out to be anymore than that.

Since I despise this person, naturally that's who I get today. I tell him I've had this before. I'm having relentless itching again with pain in a band around my right side, across my ribs.

He informs me itching is not associated with Shingles.

Quoting from WebMD regarding Shingles:

* Pain or a bruised feeling -- usually on one side of your face or body -- often along with a fever, chills, headache, or upset stomach.
* Tingling, itching, or prickling skin and an inflamed, red skin rash several days later.
* A group or long strip of small, fluid-filled blisters.
* Deep burning, searing, aching, or stabbing pain, which may occur once in a while or last a long time.

I said, "Are you f*cking kidding me? I think you need to update your education." He retreated immediately.

I trounced him previously on the bipolar disorder and the Vit D. oversight. Drama Queen, much? He should know better than to mess with me by now. He's easy game but it's a shallow victory to have to put the hammer down on the guy every time I go in there. It's not satisfying in any way that my 'health care provider' is a massive idiot.

He determines my right eye is also affected, though says it's rare to see it in two places, so it may not be unless my immune system is compromised or I have HIV.

HELLO! Shingles IS an outcropping of an immune system crash. God this man is dumber than a box of hair and for the record, last time I had it I had it on BOTH sides of my back. 'Fortunately', I had meningitis at the same time ( I'm a multi-tasker) so the 10 day coma and round the clock nursing care in an isolation facility really came in handy to avoid the unpleasantness of Shingles. I recommend it to everyone *rolls eyes*

He tells me if my eye gets worse to see an ophthalmologist as I could lose my vision. Yeah, I'll do that and avoid coming back in here, trust me. Though going blind and never laying eyes on you again is looking like the better option all around.

He writes a script for Valtrex and I ask for Motrin for pain. He says, "What pain? Are you having back pain or something?"

I said, "THE PAIN OF SHINGLES. IT'S A VERY PAINFUL CONDITION. I'M NOT ASKING FOR NARCOTICS. I'M ASKING FOR RX MOTRIN. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

"OH", he says. "The pain. I see. Okay."

GOD HELP ME.

Day 50 Orange Heaven

photo credit Creativity+@flickr

Today I went to Costco armed with a few returns as well as a bonus card they gave me for some poor treatment at the cash register a few months ago. I forgot I had the card - total spiff for me! Sorry about the dude who was out of control at the cash register, but I didn't make the news. I just reported it. $25 for my endurance? Hmm okay. I didn't ask for it but it was a nice gesture and perfect timing to support my new orange habit.

I must say employee problems at Costco are a very rare event, which is probably why I was in such shock when this guy, who seemed very hopped up on at the very least 126 cups of coffee, decided to flip out because I didn't hand him my card quick enough. There was no one in line behind me. It wasn't even a busy day. Memorable, but even more memorable is one of my favorite movies which showcases employee life inside a warehouse, "Employee of the Month". Though it's plain wrap, it's done in a Costco. I ♥ this movie! I ♥ Costco! Rent it. You'll never be able to look at the towering shelves that hold all the goods the same way again. ROFL at the car sale...LOL!!!

So after grabbing 6 new shiny boxes of oranges I head up to the cash registers. After applying my store credit and employee freak out compensation, I check out for a total of 10¢. Orange Heaven. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Which is not to say I got away entirely unscathed. Apparently I'm the only person in history to buy 120 oranges at once. At least you'd think by the comments I got, which really perplexed me. 6 boxes of oranges fit neatly into the cart. Stacked three deep and two high, they did not even breach the top of the cart. It's not like I had a Beverly Hillbilly's thing going on with orange boxes strapped to the front and sides and in 2 tow. I mean, seriously.

But the comments didn't stop til they were resting peacefully in my little car. "No scurvy at your house, eh?!" one guy shouted. Umm no, matey, no scurvy here. "Wow! She's gonna be really healthy!" one lady proclaimed to the door check girl while I waited for my receipt to be gone over twice and marked. Look, it's six boxes of oranges. Nothing else to see here, let's move along.

Another person asked me if I was expecting company. WTH? As hospitable as I can be, I've never bought 120 oranges for guests. Have you? As I pulled away I thought my troubles were over. Once home and neatly stacked in my uber-freezing garage my daughter looked at them and then up at me and rolled her eyes.

It's FRUIT people. Not a threat to national security. Get over it.

Day 48 Toxic Stress

Despite normally being able to just carry on everyday and brush off 'life's little annoyances', there are times when elderly parents, teenage children and unreasonable other people just converge to take you out.

I tend to carry a pretty high level of toxic stress around with me. It's not my choice, I scrape off as much stress as I can, but there are things in life we have handed to us that we can't just scrape off. There are things we can control and so out of some self preservation, I gave away my littlest poodle. Yes, it was to relieve stress but it brought me a lot more stress in the process, and no, not like, "Do I now change my blog to Screaming Poodle?" I don't want to talk about it.

Like I said, I normally handle life with aplomb despite the static but today it took me out. I felt bad, I was shaking and forgetful, stupid even, and just the most mundane tasks were hard. I endeavored to eat right but I'm wondering really if I can even do that right. Anytime I work out really hard I crave salt like crazy and there doesn't seem to be a cure for that. If I were to crave sweets (and I don't) it just means I need to eat more sweet fruit but the same isn't true for salt. I don't eat salt so eating more of it doesn't work. I've occasionally had popcorn and hated myself and it hated me and it didn't fix the problem. I'm really not sure what to do during those times. The only advice I get is to eat more.

I seem to have gotten a grip or groove that 2500 calories is good for me, sometimes more but now I see I'm supposed to exercise 40% of those off everyday if I don't want to fail at this. I looked at my last work out which involved 2.5 miles on the treadmill and a mile in the pool - no small time commitment there and realized even at that I'd only shaved off 25% of my intake that day by burning 625 calories, according to Fitday. I needed to burn closer to 1000.

WTF? I mean seriously - I'm a single mom. I have a teenage girl. I take care of my elderly dementia ridden mother. I deal with lots of other barking and quacking in my life from other sources to boot on top of all of that. To say it's stressful would be to say the ocean contains water. I'm recovering from years of being sick with a brain tumor and recently a very involved hysterectomy. I don't sleep at night. I sleep now an hour or two, occasionally more but then I'm often up for hours. I'm not feeling too well. The thought of having to fit in 15% more exercise is overwhelming and I'm not making it to the gym everyday as it is.

Last but not least I'm reading that according to 80/10/10 I need to be 'emotionally poised'. As in, without stress. I'd laugh at that if it weren't so tragic. So what do I do? Is there anyone in the U.S. who is 'emotionally poised'? Are YOU? If so, I want to meet you and let you spend the afternoon with my mother and then the evening with my daughter. What am I supposed to do? Is my only solution really to send my 82 year old mother off to another state so I don't have to deal with her anymore, and thus never see her again (which is what would happen because I don't have the means to visit my niece) and my daughter back to my ex? And get rid of all the other stressful people in my life including the people at Medicare who make no sense to me in terms of my mother's benefits and then I can become a raw vegan?

I dunno. Any of my friends over in Banana Land care to help?

Day 47 CABIN FEVER

photo credit Tgrab.@flickr

I don't know how many days I've been snowed in - what 39 now? Okay, so it's just been two days with freedom tomorrow, but I can tell you I'm really sick of it despite growing up in a ski village. Maybe it's the 12 year old who is making it such a remarkable experience or perhaps the screaming poodle who cannot even begin to fathom why his grassy knoll has vanished. Even the hamster seems crabby.

I've taken this opportunity to clean out my pantry and fridge even further. Unlike every other year that I've been snowed in, I'm not craving chocolate. That's pretty much a mandatory staple in snow conditions. Unfortunately, my daughter announced on an hourly basis that we had nothing to eat all day despite the fact we have plenty of food. Thanks to the lack of junk food she was reduced to eating a banana and several oranges and proclaimed them yummy. Well imagine that.

I should have put some time in on the treadmill today but I didn't feel like it. I didn't really feel like doing much of anything. I didn't eat enough calories today and I didn't get my exercise, but it's a process. I did review my nutrition and made some corrections, which is really important on any diet. We all need to be responsible for our own nutrition. No book or guru or blog can take complete care of you. You have to be the most important part of your good health.

I think as the weather warms up all the starts and stops and difficult days will melt away into a much easier time.

Day 46 Forks Over Knives

I'm looking forward to this film coming out - Forks Over Knives.

It about the rejection of animal-based and processed foods - the cornerstone of the standard American diet. Unlike my blog, this one's done by people who have more than my one brain cell. Wow, data, research and findings - OH MY! I don't think it's 100% raw but it should be a good step in the right direction.

I'll be sure to post updates about it when they become available. You can also sign up at the film's website, Forks Over Knives and get the updates emailed directly to you.