Day 365

mondopanno@flickr


Well, it's the end of my first 365 days. It's been such a wild and interesting year. Besides the Jerry Springer Edition, there was a lot of personal growth as well as learning curve about going Raw. It's still the single most compelling thing I've ever done. The benefits so outweigh eating any other way. I'm hooked and have developed habits I will not be giving up.

Yet, it's not been easy and it's true that it can take a year and more to transition. I will admit I certainly did not reach any weight or body goals at all. But, I wasn't raw the entire time, either. Stress, my mother, my teen, my life - all took tolls. At first I thought that switching to so much orange juice probably was not a good idea. In fact, if I look back it was when I started doing that when things stopped going so well, except then I realized when I started to not feel well was when I inadvertently added a bunch of toxic fluoride to my life - goodbye ACT and Crest! Geez! I've also done other juices - such as BreastHealthOnline's Super Lemon Recovery juice which is posted with us as well as at LiveStrong.com Though with the OJ, I will say that I was pretty much never sick with a cold in 2010!

But, the biggest gain of 2010 was learning to give up salad dressing. I know, laugh all you want but I'd like to propose you try it :) I discovered I had the answer back when I was 19 when my friend Richard Conger back in my home town of Wrightwood, CA taught me to juice and eat what would now be considered a vegan diet. One of the salads he made all the time had avocado, sesame oil and garlic salt. It was my all-time favorite salad and I've eaten it through the years.

I started making this salad again and realized I did not need the sesame oil. I simply used the garlic salt. And at that point I stopped using salad dressings forever. It was liberating because I was very stuck at that point.

I also worked on me a lot. I got a lot closer to God. The 'Ten Monks' CD saved my life :) I listen to it all the time and now I let God do all the heavy lifting. I just have the fun of pointing at what I might like to possibly do and then leave the rest to him.

I discovered a lot about me. I said NO a lot to people for the first time in my life. I left many situations where I wasn't being treated well. It got easier and easier and now I can say no and much worse (laugh) whenever I feel the need.

I'm still working through Geneen Roth's Women, Food & God. Highly recommended as are her audio sessions at her website. Go. Do it. Your over-eating or poor eating is really a doorway or your insight into what's eating YOU. It's very simple and when you open that door and let it be, the food problem falls away. The challenge is opening that door before you open the fridge. It's do-able. DO IT.

Last year I was part of a gym but once my mother fell ill I went infrequently. This year I have a few friends to go to the Y with me, along with my daughter and so I'm hoping to make much more physical progress this year.

I am not disappointed that I didn't get farther along in Raw this year. I'm grateful for all I learned and looking forward to...the next 365 days.

I hope I can post more this year. We'll see. Happy New Year to everyone.

Days 64-75 I've been busy!

Wow has it been 10 days? It really seems like 6 months.

Remember in the beginning when I said that besides getting a grip on my diet and body I wanted to take control of my house and weed out all the clutter?

Well, I've been doing that. It actually dawned on me a few days ago that I've been SPRING CLEANING - and it's not even spring yet. Is it possible that for once in my life I'm ahead?!

Oh I've been doing other projects than cleaning my house. Let's see, there was that appointment I had with stress and a myriad of other new things in my life as well as the old things like dealing with a pre-teen and an elderly mother with no memory. Hers, not mine, though I'd like to forget, I really really would!

Anyway I realized I've made much more progress than I thought. Here's the list:

Cleaned microwave & stove.
Cleaned out the fridge and pantry completely. So nice!
Cleaned my aviaries - huge job! The cats still wonder when those little suckers will be big enough to eat.
Cleaned out my closet. Took out 4 HUGE bags of clothes not needed and sent to a friend who did need them.
Cleaned my master suite completely - took my bed all apart. Washed the sheets, blankets and comforter twice.
Vacuumed the hardwood twice and mopped it twice to boot.
Cleaned all the floor to ceiling mirrors, the vanity mirrors and my gilt tri-mirror. Wow, I can actually see myself now!
Cleaned my dressing room vanity up and cleaned my bathroom too.

So all that plus my regular duties and everything I do over at BreastHealthOnline.org.

As for my diet, it's not been perfect, though my weight remains the same. I'm struggling with stress and I'm also struggling with some pretty severe exhaustion. I cannot figure it out. I do not think it's the diet. I think it is either stress, which I handle very poorly thanks to a former brain tumor or it's the hysterectomy and I need something - like progesterone. I've also not made it to the gym or any other form of exercise. I just can't find the time and any extra time I do have I am falling asleep. It's sort of like narcolepsy - I am falling asleep even driving short distances :(

Either way, it totally TOTALLY sucks. I slept much of today and still wake up just BONE TIRED. I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it more than I can even say.

Yes, I should go to the doctor. Right. Have you read about the 'medical care' I typically get? Yeah. I'd basically have to diagnose myself and go in and tell them what to do. When I figure out what's wrong with me, I'll do that.

In the meantime I've not given up. It's just a part of the road. I'm staring down turning 47 on Saturday - first day of Spring. It was bothering me and now I really don't give a damn. I just want my energy back. It sucks to drag your body around all day and force it through a bunch of motions it doesn't want to do. I was lucky to get all that cleaning done for myself. It's long overdue because of my exhaustion levels. At least it's good for now.

If you have any extra energy send it my way ;)

Day 62 Sanity Preservation

photo credit Silly lil' Doe!@flickr

Today I just took it easy. I had the luxury of being home all day and my daughter had late band practice. I didn't have to face the world til 4:30 p.m. I felt like I'd won the lottery. I was so happy to be home. I did whatever I wanted, which actually ended up being cleaning my bird aviary and then I had a short nap with the cats and dog. I also ate whatever I wanted and left the world behind for the day.

Tomorrow is another day and everything will be back on track. I have to say I love this lifestyle because returning to it is very compelling. Again, I think via this blog and the support of my friends that by planning to care for myself over the course of the year can only bring positive and lasting results. The effects one one day of down time can't negate the other 364.

Below I'm including a link to an article on two simple ways to be a happier parent. Now, it could just be my mood today but I really expected this article to mention duct tape and cyanide. Surprisingly, no. Well, maybe it will help someone else :D

Two Simple Ways to Be a Happier Parent

Day 61 Stress With a Side of Cheese

As much as you try to dodge it, some days total annihilation is just inevitable.

My day today actually started at 4:30 p.m yesterday. I picked up the mail to find I had an appointment at 10:30 a.m. today with the state regarding some child support issues. Great. 18 hours notice and the issues really aren't mine, they're my ex's, but since I'm the recipient, or really non-recipient of timely child support in this case, I need to be present. God knows over night is enough for anybody to gather their wits and all necessary documents. Not. I loved it that the letter was dated February 22. Maybe we should try mailing it next time.

But it's not like I had plans or anything. Oh, that's right. I did. I needed to take care of a whole host of things but never matter - I'll trot on down there and deal with something that should never have happened to begin with.

Afterward I decided I'd detox at Whole Foods. On my way I call my 82 year old mom to see how she's doing. Her arthritis is killing her and yep, she's forgotten to take her medicine once again. I remind her and hopefully she goes off and takes it. I do a quick grocery check for her and discover she has drank 8 half gallons of milk in less than a week. Lord, please help me. She's drinking milk and not eating. We get off the phone, I shake off some stress and enter Whole Foods as the invisible woman. No one can see me much less find me here. I'm ordinary and dowdy enough in sweats and my hair in my face to blend right in with the floor tiles. Perfect.

At least so I thought. My phone rings and it's the agency that helps my elderly mother who has lost her mind. This is not a call I can put off or ignore. It's my permanent responsibility to answer it 24 hours a day. I end up standing in the cheese section for 37 minutes. That's a long time to be standing in the cheese section, trust me. I don't even eat cheese.

The good news was there was nothing wrong but the inquiry was endless.

Did you fill out the forms for her prescription reduction?
Yes, I did it online.

Well, was it the right form?
I'm pretty sure it was - how many could there be?

Did you get that bump looked at on her arm?
No, it's her arthritis. It comes and goes. There isn't a cure.

When was the last time you took her to the doctor?
November but see, there's a problem with her doctor and I go into some very stressful detail about this.

The case worker asks me if I'd like a doctor to come visit her at her home. YES, that would help, provided he understands geriatric patients.

We get past that and she asks me if my mother is showering, what's she eating. On and on. This woman is actually great. She does a great job. I just wish she wasn't doing a great job today, in the cheese section at Whole Foods. Then she goes into all the agencies I need to visit to get things underway. I need to fill out forms with the state and do this and do that. I have no time for any of this. I'm a single parent who is barely getting through the days yet I have to make time. I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to scream and run, run away forever.

She ends the call and I am finally released. I feel like the mouse who frees himself from the trap and is able to scurry away just more than slightly tetched. I feel it to the core of my being, the stress welling up and with no way to stop the continous onslaught.

Sadly, I wasn't free for long. Two more mind bending phone calls ensued from the same person. One in the middle of the crowded car wash waiting area and the other once I got back home and was finally sitting down to a very late lunch.

But in direct succession there was more. My daughter gets home from school right after the last call. Not a minute in between. Another day has passed and she's still not cleaned her room, her bathroom, brushed the cat or done any of the chores I've asked of her in the last two weeks, despite talking, spending more time together, then restriction and total loss of all forms of peer communication devices due to her being disrespectful to me.

To add insult to injury, at school they've shuffled all the kids around and somehow my daughter is now in the 'comp classes' which means with all the kids who can't behave in class. My daughter isn't perfect but this is definitely not the class for her and they've certainly not reported any problems to me. I do know her and know she doesn't belong in this class.

Worst of all she's pulled out two huge areas of hair on both sides of her widows peak in less than one day. There are hideous bleeding areas. It appears as if she has cancer. Just looking at it I feel myself crumbling into little pieces and I momentarily stop breathing. My hand instinctively goes to my mouth. I take in a short, sharp audible sniff through my nose and I feel my head perform 4 quick shakes back and forth in disbelief while my insides scream, "NO!!!" with every fiber of my being.

This isn't new but it was formerly resolved. She returned home with this problem after she visited her father last November. Sporting a softball sized bald spot at the back of her head, I had to get over the absolute and utter shock of all of her beautiful long hair gone. We worked on it and she stopped. The hair regrew.

Facing this day and all this again, I feel ineffective as a mother, parent, daughter and human being and I can't even begin to broach the topic of my inability to find a normal man to date, much less share my life with in 7 long years since leaving my alcoholic husband.

But that wasn't the last of my day. Right before bed she hands me her report card to sign. She has a D+ in band. BAND. The reason? Completely avoidable, she failed to turn in 3 of the 6 practice sheets I signed for her in the last 2 months to return to school.

Kill me.


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