Day 365

mondopanno@flickr


Well, it's the end of my first 365 days. It's been such a wild and interesting year. Besides the Jerry Springer Edition, there was a lot of personal growth as well as learning curve about going Raw. It's still the single most compelling thing I've ever done. The benefits so outweigh eating any other way. I'm hooked and have developed habits I will not be giving up.

Yet, it's not been easy and it's true that it can take a year and more to transition. I will admit I certainly did not reach any weight or body goals at all. But, I wasn't raw the entire time, either. Stress, my mother, my teen, my life - all took tolls. At first I thought that switching to so much orange juice probably was not a good idea. In fact, if I look back it was when I started doing that when things stopped going so well, except then I realized when I started to not feel well was when I inadvertently added a bunch of toxic fluoride to my life - goodbye ACT and Crest! Geez! I've also done other juices - such as BreastHealthOnline's Super Lemon Recovery juice which is posted with us as well as at LiveStrong.com Though with the OJ, I will say that I was pretty much never sick with a cold in 2010!

But, the biggest gain of 2010 was learning to give up salad dressing. I know, laugh all you want but I'd like to propose you try it :) I discovered I had the answer back when I was 19 when my friend Richard Conger back in my home town of Wrightwood, CA taught me to juice and eat what would now be considered a vegan diet. One of the salads he made all the time had avocado, sesame oil and garlic salt. It was my all-time favorite salad and I've eaten it through the years.

I started making this salad again and realized I did not need the sesame oil. I simply used the garlic salt. And at that point I stopped using salad dressings forever. It was liberating because I was very stuck at that point.

I also worked on me a lot. I got a lot closer to God. The 'Ten Monks' CD saved my life :) I listen to it all the time and now I let God do all the heavy lifting. I just have the fun of pointing at what I might like to possibly do and then leave the rest to him.

I discovered a lot about me. I said NO a lot to people for the first time in my life. I left many situations where I wasn't being treated well. It got easier and easier and now I can say no and much worse (laugh) whenever I feel the need.

I'm still working through Geneen Roth's Women, Food & God. Highly recommended as are her audio sessions at her website. Go. Do it. Your over-eating or poor eating is really a doorway or your insight into what's eating YOU. It's very simple and when you open that door and let it be, the food problem falls away. The challenge is opening that door before you open the fridge. It's do-able. DO IT.

Last year I was part of a gym but once my mother fell ill I went infrequently. This year I have a few friends to go to the Y with me, along with my daughter and so I'm hoping to make much more physical progress this year.

I am not disappointed that I didn't get farther along in Raw this year. I'm grateful for all I learned and looking forward to...the next 365 days.

I hope I can post more this year. We'll see. Happy New Year to everyone.

Day 96-276 The Jerry Springer Edition

photo credit mondopanno@flickr


Wow. It's been a while since my last post. Things have been a little crazy. I've had so many kind people still follow me and my non-existent blog (thank you) and so here's the latest update, as much as I can cover 5 missing months.


The good news is that I've maintained some very good raw food habits and I love it. I still do a gigantic carafe of fresh squeezed OJ every morning. I have never wanted solid food for breakfast and, in fact, hate breakfast foods so this has stayed with me since I started doing it way back around week 32 or so. I'm also still pretty addicted to my lemons. For about a decade I'd juice a lemon, add it to some filtered water and sweeten it with some orange or lemon stevia and start my day that way. It's very cleansing and refreshing. I still do that, read my email and then do the orange thing. Awesome.

About the end of May, however, my mother was found lying on the floor of her apartment, she and the apartment in a tremendous state of disarray. The ambulance arrived shortly before me and I tried to talk to her while she was lying on the floor. Very out of it, looking very death like. This was the 2nd time in my life when I saw her and felt she wasn't going to make it. Fortunately, I'm not good at predicting death.

She was hospitalized for e-coli but during this time I felt it wasn't in anyone's interests - hers or mine - to return to her apartment. She has significant memory loss and I was a constant wreck worrying about her as she ambled about unwittingly day in and out. My niece and I finally decided that living with her, in another state, would be better for my mother, and for me as well.

She left on June 10 after more work than I could have ever imagined sorting out and moving her out of her apartment. Oddly, I graduated high school and was married all on June 10th's. It was what seemed a cold, grey cloudy day despite being mid-June. Was it due to my state of mind? I don't know. That's my memory of it.

Several difficult days led up to her leaving. They included a very odd series of photos of my mother and I where it looks like she's forcing a smile, but it's clearly a frown, and trying her darnedest to get away from me. It hurt me a lot since I'd cared for her for many years. There was much lying and hiding of the truth on her part and it hurt me a lot. The last photos of us were the last straw.

After I said my good-byes at the nursing facility and they were ready to drive away, my niece asked me what I was going to do since I had 3 hours before I had to be present and accounted for in my life. I told her I had planned to go to breakfast (where they have fresh squeezed OJ!). The unspoken reason was so I could collect myself after bidding farewell to my mother.

Well, they decided to join me so my niece, her husband and my mother all accompanied me to breakfast. Which means, I got to/had to say goodbye again. Kill me. I mean, you know, it was 'worth it' I suppose I have to say that - worth it to be with my niece and her husband but I felt like my insides were being ripped out through my skin. Then I had to go onto do things in the day with other human beings who could give a rip with no space between. It was enough to take the enamel off your teeth. The whole shebang was, it was all so horrible.

In the weeks following her departure I went through some stuff, but ironically and this is the God's truth: I lost the enamel off the front of my teeth. Swear to God! Choose your words carefully and more on that later, but there had been tons of alluding to me not being their/her child my whole life and I never looked like anyone in my family - for which I am grateful and those who know understand what I'm talking about - but it was gnawing at me.

So in August I decided since she was (and is) still living that I'd have a DNA test done on us. I needed to know once and for all. The results shocked me more than I ever thought they possibly could have: I am her daughter.

So, why would a mother spend 47 years alluding to and then covering up the fact that she was/wasn't my mother and why would my sisters allude to and then cover up the fact I was/wasn't all these years? The only other explanation was that my father isn't really my father but you know what? I no longer care. Any man who might otherwise be my real father probably isn't around/available to me like all men in my life aren't so forget it. Whatever. I just don't need the drama anymore.

Or, so I thought. I spent the next month processing all that. Then I learned one of my sisters (I have two...) was on the brink of being homeless, which didn't surprise me as she was headed that way regardless of any help my family or her children gave her. A total lost cause, former drug addict who gave up the drugs but none of the behavior. She's as crazy as they come and has destroyed every connection she ever had to anyone, including her kids and myself.

Then for some strange reason on Sept 21 I Googled my eldest sisters name. I've not seen nor heard from her since 2002. No one has. She was last seen driving away from my mother's house after my father died, having stolen as much property as she could fit into her little car. Unbelievable. I Googled her and what I found blew me out of my chair. I openly exclaimed, "OH MY GOD!"

There she was - a fairly current photo - aged and bent over a small child, looking very predatory in the midst of a food bank no less.

I never dreamed there would be a full on color photo. I sat there feeling like I'd been hit across the face with a baseball bat. I could feel the lies and manipulation come through my monitor. She's a very scary, unpredictable person. My eldest sister would make my middle sister look like Mother Teresa, and just seeing the picture struck fear in my heart. I had to click off of the photo because it was that disturbing.

But out of all that evil something unthinkable happened. I realized I no longer live that life with those people. I am no longer subject to the insanity, the alcoholism, and the drama, and that I live a very different and peaceful life.

It was cathartic - all three episodes. I finally felt like my own grown up person. I no longer felt shackled by all that insanity.

So, in some sick way the past 5 months were more about inward work than food or diet. I suffered some weight gain and bloating throughout it but I'm hoping to spend the next three months reclaiming myself, and I hope to blog a little more regularly about it.

When I can post a photo showing progress of where I left off at the end of February, I will.

It may (and most likely will) take me more than the 'recommended year's time' to convert fully to raw vegan but I do agree that it's a process that takes time. I also still feel very passionate about this way of eating, unlike anything I've done before. I've made some good strides in many areas and made habits out of things like orange juice, lemons, salads. I discovered a system that replaced all of the lost enamel on my teeth. Yep, I did. Things are good again all around and OH my gosh - my next posting will be about my greatest food conquest yet.

Just wait...it's huge. You'll see. Thanks for having me back. Stay tuned :D

Day 80-96 I Never Really Went Away

photo credit xdianicx@flickr

I'm still here but I guess you could say I'm back!

I've not made any further diet progress because my hormones flatlined and pretty much took me out. I was so exhausted that my one and only goal every single day was to get back into bed, even if it were only for 15 minutes. I was setting alarms all day long to get up and take care of things. Insane. I also started a new project that's been cantankerous and I'm rebuilding BreastHealthOnline.org. I mostly ate well, but due to the aforementioned situations it's been challenging. There is no new timeline addition to kick this month off because it's basically the same as last month. Nothing lost, nothing really gained. It's OK because I made progress in other areas.

My hormone situation is slowly coming around, though, and thanks to the special Melatonin recommended in Mary Shomon's book, "The Menopause Thyroid Solution", I've slept better and am actually dreaming! Never mind I dreamed my 12 year old daughter (aka Paris Hilton) not only lives with me but had a dorm of her own AND her own posh apartment - complete with guinea pigs that I never knew she owned. Shut up. Oh and let me just add - her apartment was spotlessly clean, unlike real life. Craziness.

But unruly children, dreams and diets aside, I have made HUGE progress on my house! This was also one of my New Years Resolutions. I've made fabulous progress in this department despite the exhaustion. Every single room is clean, except my office is a bit messy again. Nonetheless, my house is CLEAN! My closet and all my clothes are clean! My sheets are clean! My daughters room and bathroom really are clean now - miracle! My stove and microwave are clean! My fridge is clean! 1600 sq feet of hardwood is CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN! I cleaned up part of the garage and I've kept it all clean (cleaned it repeatedly...) for weeks and weeks now with the exception of my office. This is a first in 10 years. I've never had the energy to clean it in its entirety, and I've certainly not had the energy to keep it up after that. Where I found this energy I have no idea but it came in spurts and then I'd crash a few days. Wash, rinse, repeat! Ugh!

And so on Saturday I found myself standing in a totally clean house and realized that I could actually host Easter dinner here without too much trouble. Another first in I don't know how many years - like at least 7 years.

So, I planned a simple menu and invited my mom because honestly she may not have many Easter's left. I had ordered some See's candy a week ago so that was already in place and I happened to have had a few dozen eggs on hand to color - don't ask!

I made:
Red Potato Salad
Waldorf salad with Poppyseed dressing
Creamed spinach with sliced egg
Deviled eggs
Banana walnut carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (my own crazy recipe that's in my head...)

Then I made boiled ham for my mom. Sounds awful but she always did it this way and it's very good, well if you eat this sort of thing. I was sad to buy a ham but I did it. It was an extremely small ham. I have feelings about the little piggy that went to market. Don't get me started. I can't tell you last time I bought anything like this and it's really for my mom. Which doesn't justify it. I know. I'll shut up now.

Despite the PETA repercussions, we had a lovely afternoon. I ate some things I don't usually/shouldn't have but I'm back now. Last night I ran, swam and did yoga and of course, got back on my diet program. Oh yes - I started yoga in the middle of all this. YAY! The things that Mary Shomon's book recommended are really helping - Royal Maca, sub-lingual progesterone and IODINE. More on this in the future - it's worth its own blog post.

So things are getting better and hopefully this hormone transition won't be too hard and things will become more stable for me.

It's a process! I've got the rest of the year ahead of me to work on everything but for now I'm loving my clean house. I feel all grown up!

Day 79 First Day of Spring - Happy Birthday to Me

photo credit *Ann Gordon@flickr

Ah! The day we've all been waiting for: The First Day of Spring. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it but it gets even better 'cause it's also my birthday. I feel like I kinda won the birthday lottery by getting a special day of the year on top of it. Not to mention the fact it's a special day sans interference. It's not like it's Christmas or Easter where I have to share my day with a holiday that's more important. Not that there's anything wrong with it if your birthday falls on a big deal special holiday!

While I'm here I'll perpetuate my observation that a person's seasonal preference tends to run the lines of the season in which you were born. Love spring? You may be a spring baby. Love summer? You're probably a summer baby. If Fall is your favorite season, like my BFF Lori, you were born in the fall most likely. I'm not going to talk about winter 'cause I'm so over it :D At any rate, see if it holds true for you.

My plans are to relax today, maybe swim and then go out to dinner with my friend later and kick back tonight. Mostly though, just do whatever I want - which is pretty much nothing. No kid this weekend - she's at a friends having fun so nice for me to just do nothing...

YAY

Day 76 Taking Matters into My Own Hands

photo credit Mondopanno@flickr

Okay the gloves are off. I'm TIRED of being TIRED. Waaaay tired.

It's been 4 months since my hysterectomy and as per my doctor I have not taken anything to supplement for the first 4 months due to the endometriosis die off, which I agree with.

But now I feel I need something since the exhaustion is so bad. I will not ever take anything made by big pharma but I will consider natural alternatives. I have the book, "The Menopause Thyroid Solution" by Mary J. Shoman and today I decided to take up some of her suggestions because as pointed out by my 12 year old, no matter how much I sleep (and it's epic...) I never feel any better and I really should be feeling great on this diet. I know it's not the diet making me this tired. How do I know this? First of all, everyone else I know on this diet feels great and secondly, oranges and bananas do not typically turn people into unruly little green monsters with alternating crying and screaming fits! *laugh* *laugh* *laugh*

So today I ordered some Royal Maca Plus. There are two versions and the book highly recommends the Whole World Botanical brand. I chose the 'plus' because I had trouble with cysts and it is more helpful for those with estrogen problems. It helps even those out more. I'm also going to try sub-lingual progesterone. When you take it in pill form, your liver is affected. When you rub it on your skin in cream form, it can build up in your fat tissues. If you take it sub-lingually it is absorbed more readily and doesn't encounter the liver like a pill would or build up in your fat stores.

I can't wait. I don't want to drag my body through one more long, hard day. I'll let you know how it goes. I will add that as long as I stay on my diet I do not have any hot flashes, but let me eat something off my diet and BLAM - you could fry an egg on my skin! So, the diet is a good thing. I just need some hormone help since I have no ovaries to provide what my body needs and maybe I should do something about it before homicidal tendencies set in!

Days 64-75 I've been busy!

Wow has it been 10 days? It really seems like 6 months.

Remember in the beginning when I said that besides getting a grip on my diet and body I wanted to take control of my house and weed out all the clutter?

Well, I've been doing that. It actually dawned on me a few days ago that I've been SPRING CLEANING - and it's not even spring yet. Is it possible that for once in my life I'm ahead?!

Oh I've been doing other projects than cleaning my house. Let's see, there was that appointment I had with stress and a myriad of other new things in my life as well as the old things like dealing with a pre-teen and an elderly mother with no memory. Hers, not mine, though I'd like to forget, I really really would!

Anyway I realized I've made much more progress than I thought. Here's the list:

Cleaned microwave & stove.
Cleaned out the fridge and pantry completely. So nice!
Cleaned my aviaries - huge job! The cats still wonder when those little suckers will be big enough to eat.
Cleaned out my closet. Took out 4 HUGE bags of clothes not needed and sent to a friend who did need them.
Cleaned my master suite completely - took my bed all apart. Washed the sheets, blankets and comforter twice.
Vacuumed the hardwood twice and mopped it twice to boot.
Cleaned all the floor to ceiling mirrors, the vanity mirrors and my gilt tri-mirror. Wow, I can actually see myself now!
Cleaned my dressing room vanity up and cleaned my bathroom too.

So all that plus my regular duties and everything I do over at BreastHealthOnline.org.

As for my diet, it's not been perfect, though my weight remains the same. I'm struggling with stress and I'm also struggling with some pretty severe exhaustion. I cannot figure it out. I do not think it's the diet. I think it is either stress, which I handle very poorly thanks to a former brain tumor or it's the hysterectomy and I need something - like progesterone. I've also not made it to the gym or any other form of exercise. I just can't find the time and any extra time I do have I am falling asleep. It's sort of like narcolepsy - I am falling asleep even driving short distances :(

Either way, it totally TOTALLY sucks. I slept much of today and still wake up just BONE TIRED. I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it more than I can even say.

Yes, I should go to the doctor. Right. Have you read about the 'medical care' I typically get? Yeah. I'd basically have to diagnose myself and go in and tell them what to do. When I figure out what's wrong with me, I'll do that.

In the meantime I've not given up. It's just a part of the road. I'm staring down turning 47 on Saturday - first day of Spring. It was bothering me and now I really don't give a damn. I just want my energy back. It sucks to drag your body around all day and force it through a bunch of motions it doesn't want to do. I was lucky to get all that cleaning done for myself. It's long overdue because of my exhaustion levels. At least it's good for now.

If you have any extra energy send it my way ;)

Day 64 TGIF

photo credit onthe6th@flickr

Today was really busy with errands and an important appointment, plus I finally got my hair done after more months than I can count. My stylist said he thought something happened to me - LOL! I must say that he was quite shocked by my new appearance. I've not been out in the world much since sequestering myself on this journey. I sometimes think the difference isn't noticeable or that the pictures I take just happen to be 'good pictures' and I don't really look like that. But as I said, he was quite shocked and said I looked terrific.

My hair now looks terrific, too. Whew. Not sure how much he took off the back but it wasn't much. I love it long and now my blonde is back. I feel tons better! I'm so glad I didn't put this off any longer.

I was going to go out tonight to a club but decided to just hang in. By the time the day was over I was/am just beat. I'm going to watch a movie in bed and go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day!

Day 63 Week 9

photo credit ratterrell@flickr

I'm just gonna run on by and update 'cause I'm working on something else and gotta get back to it.

This week I ate 20 bananas and 60 oranges. I did not get any treadmill or swimming in. Today I have a terrible headache. I'm not eating quite enough and I'm a little dehydrated. My weight is the same though I am feeling a bit thinner in the hips and bum area!

To date I've walked 31.15 miles, swam 7.5 miles and have eaten 233 bananas and 322 oranges. The banana and orange count amazes me!

9 weeks down, 43 to go!

Day 62 Sanity Preservation

photo credit Silly lil' Doe!@flickr

Today I just took it easy. I had the luxury of being home all day and my daughter had late band practice. I didn't have to face the world til 4:30 p.m. I felt like I'd won the lottery. I was so happy to be home. I did whatever I wanted, which actually ended up being cleaning my bird aviary and then I had a short nap with the cats and dog. I also ate whatever I wanted and left the world behind for the day.

Tomorrow is another day and everything will be back on track. I have to say I love this lifestyle because returning to it is very compelling. Again, I think via this blog and the support of my friends that by planning to care for myself over the course of the year can only bring positive and lasting results. The effects one one day of down time can't negate the other 364.

Below I'm including a link to an article on two simple ways to be a happier parent. Now, it could just be my mood today but I really expected this article to mention duct tape and cyanide. Surprisingly, no. Well, maybe it will help someone else :D

Two Simple Ways to Be a Happier Parent

Day 61 Stress With a Side of Cheese

As much as you try to dodge it, some days total annihilation is just inevitable.

My day today actually started at 4:30 p.m yesterday. I picked up the mail to find I had an appointment at 10:30 a.m. today with the state regarding some child support issues. Great. 18 hours notice and the issues really aren't mine, they're my ex's, but since I'm the recipient, or really non-recipient of timely child support in this case, I need to be present. God knows over night is enough for anybody to gather their wits and all necessary documents. Not. I loved it that the letter was dated February 22. Maybe we should try mailing it next time.

But it's not like I had plans or anything. Oh, that's right. I did. I needed to take care of a whole host of things but never matter - I'll trot on down there and deal with something that should never have happened to begin with.

Afterward I decided I'd detox at Whole Foods. On my way I call my 82 year old mom to see how she's doing. Her arthritis is killing her and yep, she's forgotten to take her medicine once again. I remind her and hopefully she goes off and takes it. I do a quick grocery check for her and discover she has drank 8 half gallons of milk in less than a week. Lord, please help me. She's drinking milk and not eating. We get off the phone, I shake off some stress and enter Whole Foods as the invisible woman. No one can see me much less find me here. I'm ordinary and dowdy enough in sweats and my hair in my face to blend right in with the floor tiles. Perfect.

At least so I thought. My phone rings and it's the agency that helps my elderly mother who has lost her mind. This is not a call I can put off or ignore. It's my permanent responsibility to answer it 24 hours a day. I end up standing in the cheese section for 37 minutes. That's a long time to be standing in the cheese section, trust me. I don't even eat cheese.

The good news was there was nothing wrong but the inquiry was endless.

Did you fill out the forms for her prescription reduction?
Yes, I did it online.

Well, was it the right form?
I'm pretty sure it was - how many could there be?

Did you get that bump looked at on her arm?
No, it's her arthritis. It comes and goes. There isn't a cure.

When was the last time you took her to the doctor?
November but see, there's a problem with her doctor and I go into some very stressful detail about this.

The case worker asks me if I'd like a doctor to come visit her at her home. YES, that would help, provided he understands geriatric patients.

We get past that and she asks me if my mother is showering, what's she eating. On and on. This woman is actually great. She does a great job. I just wish she wasn't doing a great job today, in the cheese section at Whole Foods. Then she goes into all the agencies I need to visit to get things underway. I need to fill out forms with the state and do this and do that. I have no time for any of this. I'm a single parent who is barely getting through the days yet I have to make time. I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to scream and run, run away forever.

She ends the call and I am finally released. I feel like the mouse who frees himself from the trap and is able to scurry away just more than slightly tetched. I feel it to the core of my being, the stress welling up and with no way to stop the continous onslaught.

Sadly, I wasn't free for long. Two more mind bending phone calls ensued from the same person. One in the middle of the crowded car wash waiting area and the other once I got back home and was finally sitting down to a very late lunch.

But in direct succession there was more. My daughter gets home from school right after the last call. Not a minute in between. Another day has passed and she's still not cleaned her room, her bathroom, brushed the cat or done any of the chores I've asked of her in the last two weeks, despite talking, spending more time together, then restriction and total loss of all forms of peer communication devices due to her being disrespectful to me.

To add insult to injury, at school they've shuffled all the kids around and somehow my daughter is now in the 'comp classes' which means with all the kids who can't behave in class. My daughter isn't perfect but this is definitely not the class for her and they've certainly not reported any problems to me. I do know her and know she doesn't belong in this class.

Worst of all she's pulled out two huge areas of hair on both sides of her widows peak in less than one day. There are hideous bleeding areas. It appears as if she has cancer. Just looking at it I feel myself crumbling into little pieces and I momentarily stop breathing. My hand instinctively goes to my mouth. I take in a short, sharp audible sniff through my nose and I feel my head perform 4 quick shakes back and forth in disbelief while my insides scream, "NO!!!" with every fiber of my being.

This isn't new but it was formerly resolved. She returned home with this problem after she visited her father last November. Sporting a softball sized bald spot at the back of her head, I had to get over the absolute and utter shock of all of her beautiful long hair gone. We worked on it and she stopped. The hair regrew.

Facing this day and all this again, I feel ineffective as a mother, parent, daughter and human being and I can't even begin to broach the topic of my inability to find a normal man to date, much less share my life with in 7 long years since leaving my alcoholic husband.

But that wasn't the last of my day. Right before bed she hands me her report card to sign. She has a D+ in band. BAND. The reason? Completely avoidable, she failed to turn in 3 of the 6 practice sheets I signed for her in the last 2 months to return to school.

Kill me.


.

Day 60 New Month!

photo credit iheartlinen@flickr

Once again a new month before me. I'm hoping I'll lose some weight this month. The inches are great but I'm not interested in being the only 170 lb size 2 person on the planet! I know I build muscle with exercise. That's great but lets get the weight off please.

Last month was hard, lots of stress and then I was sick. I am fortunate to have lost the 13.5 inches. Eating more simply works a lot better. I feel I have my food routine down well. It's interesting to see what a habit this has become and how there's really no turning back. Besides fruit and vegetables being such a huge part of my life, I never used to eat breakfast. I eat breakfast everyday now. I eat much more and more regularly than I have my whole life. I really look forward to fruit for breakfast and big salads later in the day. While I might not be following a perfect continuum, I think the progress over this year will be interesting and gratifying. I'm also curious how many other people are still working on their New Year's resolutions. I am!

With winter being so long it seems this year and having to care for my mom and try to keep my head above water, it's been hard to get to the gym. My sleep remains a disaster. I hope to still get more exercise in, miraculously fix my sleep and get to the gym more this month. HA!

I turn 47 on the 20th of this month - the first day of Spring. Please send some happy headway thoughts my way :)

Day 59 Weights, Measures and Pictures!

2 months down.

Even more so than last month when I was thinking there wouldn't be much discernible change, I was thinking there would be no change at all this month. I figured a new photo would be a waste of time as it wouldn't show any changes whatsoever. I took a pic anyway just to prove to myself there were no changes.

But while the scales registered virtually no loss, happily the measurements and pics told another story. I strongly recommend people use measurements and photos and not just rely on the scale to track their progress.

Below are all the stats and time line pics. Again, the surgery noted on the pics was a hysterectomy where they found a severe case of endometriosis. I did not have a tummy tuck or gastric surgery or anything like that. I am now 3 months post op from all of that.

Starting weight: 192 (Nov)
Current weight: 170

Total weight lost:
22 lbs since November.
10 lbs lost in January.
No weight lost in February.

Total inches lost:
32 inches lost in January.
13.5 inches lost in February - this really took me by surprise.
45.5 inches lost to date - YAY!

12/31
Weight 180
Neck 15
Chest 41
Bust 45
Midriff 38
waist 40 (on Nov 16th, 2 weeks before my surgery, this measurement was 48". The additional 8 inches is not factored into my inch loss.)
Belly 45
Hips 45
Thigh 26
Knee 20
Calf 15.5
Ankle 8.5
Bicep 16
Forearm 9.5
Wrist 6.25
Hair 16

1/31
Weight 170
Neck 14.5
Chest 37
Bust 42
Midriff 35
Waist 35 (I've lost 13 inches since Nov here!)
Belly 43
Hips 42
Thigh 24.5
Knee 16
Calf 14.75
Ankle 8
Bicep 12.5
Forearm 8.75
Wrist 5.75
Hair 18 (I'm growing my hair...)

2/28
Weight 170
Neck 13.5
Chest 35
Bust 40
Midriff 33.5
Waist 33 (I've lost 15 inches since Nov here!)
Belly 42
Hips 40
Thigh 23.5
Knee 15.5
Calf 14.5
Ankle 8
Bicep 12.5
Forearm 8.5
Wrist 5.75
Hair 18.5 (I'm growing my hair...)




Wow. I was totally wrong about the changes. I'm excited. My daughter asked me if the new picture was one of the ones she was playing around with in photoshop in January. NO IT IS NOT! There is absolutely no photo shopping done here at all.

She was amazed.

I'm amazed she's still living. LOL.

Again, can't wait to see the changes for next month and this time hope a few more pounds fall off. I'm not going to be staying off the scales for a month at a time. I'm going back to my regular routine of weighing daily. While I think it works well for others, I don't think it works well for me.

306 days or 10 months to go.

Day 58 Banana Date Yummy

photo credit calafellvalo@flickr

I mostly like eating my food separate so I can taste each thing. A lot of raw foodist make smoothies out of bananas and greens. I'm not fond of them. I like those things separate.

But one yummy and satisfying thing that I do make occasionally is a banana date smoothie. It couldn't be simpler.

5 large dates
2 bananas
water

In either a blender or a blender cup (for a wand blender) add the 5 dates and enough water to cover them. I sometimes use warm water. Not hot water. Maybe 80 degrees. Blend the dates either in the blender or with the wand blender. Add the bananas in pieces one at a time and blend thoroughly. Pour into a glass and drink. You can change the quantities of any of it. More dates, more bananas. Whatever you like. Depends if you like it more banana-y or more date-y. LOL

Day 57 The Secret End of Hot Flashes

photo credit myori@flickr

Can raw fruits and vegetables end your hot flashes? I don't have a scientific study for you but can tell you something really odd I've noticed about myself.

I had a hysterectomy this past December. I am not on hormones as per my doctor (and my own preferences). I was told I'd have hot flashes for many months while the endometriosis died off. I started to get them in December. In January when I went 100% raw, they stopped. I have no hot flashes while eating raw. But, if I stray I have them in increasing severity and intensity. Without a doubt the occurrences are food related.

Another benefit: If I stay 100% raw I have no urgent little girl's room issues and no incontinence or anything like that. Everything is perfectly normal. But, if I stray off my diet these things come flooding back. Pun intended :)

Just some food for thought.

Day 56 Week 8

Wow week 8. Who knew?

Being sick this week and all meant I didn't get to the gym. So, no walking or swimming but I did some hard slave labor week that was pretty intense, at which point I ended up straight in bed for hours, aching and freezing. I spent a huge amount of time sleeping this last week. I'm feeling a little better energy-wise now.

This week I ate 21 bananas and 65 oranges. I had a few days where I ate very little. That's bad but I'm back now. To date I've walked 31.15 miles, swam 7.5 miles and have eaten 213 bananas and 262 oranges. I think Sunkist would be proud.

8 weeks down, 44 to go!

Day 55 I'm Back

photo credit Xavier Fargas@flickr

I'm back. At least I seem to be. Well, at least the food part is intact so I'm going with it. A few days of feeling wonky and not eating enough have left me looking horrible. Once I'm fully hydrated again I'll look a lot better.

The end of the month is looming and I'd like to make a little progress if possible. Exercise has been out all week. Soon I'll have a whole new month ahead of me to continue on the journey.

Day 52, 53, 54

photo credit: my daughter

I see it's been a few days. If you've read, I've been sick. I'm still standing. I'm just tired. I'm usually tired all the time but now I'm really tired - LOL. Wasn't sure I could be more tired than I was but apparently I'm wrong. Certainly wouldn't be the first time.

I'm not giving up. I'm just giving myself some time off from the computer.

I wish I could have been a little further along in this so I'd be stronger. I see that's not the plan. Still, I'm here. Eating bananas. Juicing oranges. Staying in bed as much as I can when my daughter is at school.

Speaking of which, most children grace the home fridge with colorful artwork. Mine posts warning notices. I have to wonder what sort of career she's headed for.

Stay tuned.

Day 51 Caution: Life Ahead

photo credit Gwen@Flickr

My life: World record for most speed bumps per square inch.

On Thursday I had some persistent itching on my side from my back and across my ribs. Hmmm. In the back of my mind I knew better, but decided to chalk it up to the possibility of some soap residue on my skin.

It returned again Thursday evening around bedtime.

On Friday morning I went back to bed forever after taking my daughter to the bus stop. Laying on my right side seemed painful as well as itchy. I've been impossibly tired lately. Nothing seems to help. It's so easy to blame 'the diet', but I can't ignore the fact that I'm depressed and run down from too much stress lately. 'Luckily', stress ramped itself up 100 more notches Thursday night thanks to my darling pre-teen daughter.

Friday night I knew I was doomed and needed to see the doctor first thing Saturday morning. "I went to the doctor with mom today and she has Sherpels disease", I hear my daughter tell my ex on the phone tonight.

By the time he called back to say WTF... my Sherpels had been downgraded to Shingles. Ah, yes, now it makes sense, as if any of my life ever really does. Everyone knows that only characters in Dr. Seuss stories ever get Sherpels.

For the record, I did not see the doctor. I saw the nurse practitioner. I never get to see the doctor except for the one 'fortuitous' encounter when the blithering (female) troll told me I should have both my ovaries removed so I could do away with, you know, that pesky sex drive. My male GYN was appalled. I wasn't reporting any sex drive issues, nor was I interested, Dr. Weinstock, in your slight of 'hand' that revealed yours. I was asking about the wisdom of keeping one ovary vs removing both. Oy.

Anyway, this nurse practitioner has never ceased to be a complete moron and complete morons are rare. I hesitate to even give him credit as a nurse much less a nurse practitioner. I know so many more highly intelligent people in the nursing field.

The first time I met him he 'diagnosed' me with 'bipolar disorder'. I was very sick that day and was suffering some anxiety over what was going on with me. Truth is you can't diagnose someone with bipolar disorder the first time you meet them, and certainly not in a 5 minute evaluation, I don't care who you are.

Furthermore, having been through 14 continuous years (my entire marriage...) of therapy, complete with visits to a psychiatrist to treat major depression as well as having been administered all the regular psychiatric tests, not once was I ever diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Just major depression attributable to living with an alcoholic. I think they would have clearly established if I was bipolar at some point over 14 years of care. Right.

Oh but he didn't stop there. He also 'diagnosed' my Vit D deficiency as IBS or Crohns or possibly colon cancer without any formal tests. This guy has the psychic powers of a medically sterilized turd. Ahem, I had Vit D deficiency. Let's not make it out to be anymore than that.

Since I despise this person, naturally that's who I get today. I tell him I've had this before. I'm having relentless itching again with pain in a band around my right side, across my ribs.

He informs me itching is not associated with Shingles.

Quoting from WebMD regarding Shingles:

* Pain or a bruised feeling -- usually on one side of your face or body -- often along with a fever, chills, headache, or upset stomach.
* Tingling, itching, or prickling skin and an inflamed, red skin rash several days later.
* A group or long strip of small, fluid-filled blisters.
* Deep burning, searing, aching, or stabbing pain, which may occur once in a while or last a long time.

I said, "Are you f*cking kidding me? I think you need to update your education." He retreated immediately.

I trounced him previously on the bipolar disorder and the Vit D. oversight. Drama Queen, much? He should know better than to mess with me by now. He's easy game but it's a shallow victory to have to put the hammer down on the guy every time I go in there. It's not satisfying in any way that my 'health care provider' is a massive idiot.

He determines my right eye is also affected, though says it's rare to see it in two places, so it may not be unless my immune system is compromised or I have HIV.

HELLO! Shingles IS an outcropping of an immune system crash. God this man is dumber than a box of hair and for the record, last time I had it I had it on BOTH sides of my back. 'Fortunately', I had meningitis at the same time ( I'm a multi-tasker) so the 10 day coma and round the clock nursing care in an isolation facility really came in handy to avoid the unpleasantness of Shingles. I recommend it to everyone *rolls eyes*

He tells me if my eye gets worse to see an ophthalmologist as I could lose my vision. Yeah, I'll do that and avoid coming back in here, trust me. Though going blind and never laying eyes on you again is looking like the better option all around.

He writes a script for Valtrex and I ask for Motrin for pain. He says, "What pain? Are you having back pain or something?"

I said, "THE PAIN OF SHINGLES. IT'S A VERY PAINFUL CONDITION. I'M NOT ASKING FOR NARCOTICS. I'M ASKING FOR RX MOTRIN. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

"OH", he says. "The pain. I see. Okay."

GOD HELP ME.

Day 50 Orange Heaven

photo credit Creativity+@flickr

Today I went to Costco armed with a few returns as well as a bonus card they gave me for some poor treatment at the cash register a few months ago. I forgot I had the card - total spiff for me! Sorry about the dude who was out of control at the cash register, but I didn't make the news. I just reported it. $25 for my endurance? Hmm okay. I didn't ask for it but it was a nice gesture and perfect timing to support my new orange habit.

I must say employee problems at Costco are a very rare event, which is probably why I was in such shock when this guy, who seemed very hopped up on at the very least 126 cups of coffee, decided to flip out because I didn't hand him my card quick enough. There was no one in line behind me. It wasn't even a busy day. Memorable, but even more memorable is one of my favorite movies which showcases employee life inside a warehouse, "Employee of the Month". Though it's plain wrap, it's done in a Costco. I ♥ this movie! I ♥ Costco! Rent it. You'll never be able to look at the towering shelves that hold all the goods the same way again. ROFL at the car sale...LOL!!!

So after grabbing 6 new shiny boxes of oranges I head up to the cash registers. After applying my store credit and employee freak out compensation, I check out for a total of 10¢. Orange Heaven. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Which is not to say I got away entirely unscathed. Apparently I'm the only person in history to buy 120 oranges at once. At least you'd think by the comments I got, which really perplexed me. 6 boxes of oranges fit neatly into the cart. Stacked three deep and two high, they did not even breach the top of the cart. It's not like I had a Beverly Hillbilly's thing going on with orange boxes strapped to the front and sides and in 2 tow. I mean, seriously.

But the comments didn't stop til they were resting peacefully in my little car. "No scurvy at your house, eh?!" one guy shouted. Umm no, matey, no scurvy here. "Wow! She's gonna be really healthy!" one lady proclaimed to the door check girl while I waited for my receipt to be gone over twice and marked. Look, it's six boxes of oranges. Nothing else to see here, let's move along.

Another person asked me if I was expecting company. WTH? As hospitable as I can be, I've never bought 120 oranges for guests. Have you? As I pulled away I thought my troubles were over. Once home and neatly stacked in my uber-freezing garage my daughter looked at them and then up at me and rolled her eyes.

It's FRUIT people. Not a threat to national security. Get over it.

Day 49 Week 7

photo credit lusitania.etsy.com

For week 7 I walked 4 miles and 1.5 swam miles. Actually, that surprised me because I thought it was less. More would have been nice. The snow didn't help. I had other exercise in terms of physical work that is really taking a toll on my very stiff and sore arthritic spine. I actually burned more calories today (over 900) than I did even when I walked 2.5 miles and swam a mile all on the same day (600). If it didn't debilitate me so much I'd do more physical work but it really is hard on me. I crashed for 3 hours this evening. I couldn't help it - I was freezing and hurting and I just fell asleep where I was sitting.

This week I ate 27 bananas and 76 oranges. Wow. Just like trombones! To date I've walked 31.15 miles, swam 7.5 miles and have eaten 192 bananas and 197 oranges. Looks like the oranges are winning. I ♥ oranges.

I noticed in my weekly reports I have difficult weeks every week. I don't mean with food but with stress and things in my life. As I said, I'm working on it. Depression is starting to loom due to the longevity of it with not many rays of light ahead. I don't ♥ winter right now.

It doesn't feel I've made many body changes this week, or month for that matter. Not weighing leaves me feeling rather ungrounded. I'm not fond of it. Maybe it's part of my old anorexia days where it's one of the few stabilizing factors my little brain thinks I have. I think it's not a good idea for me and I probably won't do that next month.


7 weeks down, 45 to go!

Day 48 Toxic Stress

Despite normally being able to just carry on everyday and brush off 'life's little annoyances', there are times when elderly parents, teenage children and unreasonable other people just converge to take you out.

I tend to carry a pretty high level of toxic stress around with me. It's not my choice, I scrape off as much stress as I can, but there are things in life we have handed to us that we can't just scrape off. There are things we can control and so out of some self preservation, I gave away my littlest poodle. Yes, it was to relieve stress but it brought me a lot more stress in the process, and no, not like, "Do I now change my blog to Screaming Poodle?" I don't want to talk about it.

Like I said, I normally handle life with aplomb despite the static but today it took me out. I felt bad, I was shaking and forgetful, stupid even, and just the most mundane tasks were hard. I endeavored to eat right but I'm wondering really if I can even do that right. Anytime I work out really hard I crave salt like crazy and there doesn't seem to be a cure for that. If I were to crave sweets (and I don't) it just means I need to eat more sweet fruit but the same isn't true for salt. I don't eat salt so eating more of it doesn't work. I've occasionally had popcorn and hated myself and it hated me and it didn't fix the problem. I'm really not sure what to do during those times. The only advice I get is to eat more.

I seem to have gotten a grip or groove that 2500 calories is good for me, sometimes more but now I see I'm supposed to exercise 40% of those off everyday if I don't want to fail at this. I looked at my last work out which involved 2.5 miles on the treadmill and a mile in the pool - no small time commitment there and realized even at that I'd only shaved off 25% of my intake that day by burning 625 calories, according to Fitday. I needed to burn closer to 1000.

WTF? I mean seriously - I'm a single mom. I have a teenage girl. I take care of my elderly dementia ridden mother. I deal with lots of other barking and quacking in my life from other sources to boot on top of all of that. To say it's stressful would be to say the ocean contains water. I'm recovering from years of being sick with a brain tumor and recently a very involved hysterectomy. I don't sleep at night. I sleep now an hour or two, occasionally more but then I'm often up for hours. I'm not feeling too well. The thought of having to fit in 15% more exercise is overwhelming and I'm not making it to the gym everyday as it is.

Last but not least I'm reading that according to 80/10/10 I need to be 'emotionally poised'. As in, without stress. I'd laugh at that if it weren't so tragic. So what do I do? Is there anyone in the U.S. who is 'emotionally poised'? Are YOU? If so, I want to meet you and let you spend the afternoon with my mother and then the evening with my daughter. What am I supposed to do? Is my only solution really to send my 82 year old mother off to another state so I don't have to deal with her anymore, and thus never see her again (which is what would happen because I don't have the means to visit my niece) and my daughter back to my ex? And get rid of all the other stressful people in my life including the people at Medicare who make no sense to me in terms of my mother's benefits and then I can become a raw vegan?

I dunno. Any of my friends over in Banana Land care to help?

Day 47 CABIN FEVER

photo credit Tgrab.@flickr

I don't know how many days I've been snowed in - what 39 now? Okay, so it's just been two days with freedom tomorrow, but I can tell you I'm really sick of it despite growing up in a ski village. Maybe it's the 12 year old who is making it such a remarkable experience or perhaps the screaming poodle who cannot even begin to fathom why his grassy knoll has vanished. Even the hamster seems crabby.

I've taken this opportunity to clean out my pantry and fridge even further. Unlike every other year that I've been snowed in, I'm not craving chocolate. That's pretty much a mandatory staple in snow conditions. Unfortunately, my daughter announced on an hourly basis that we had nothing to eat all day despite the fact we have plenty of food. Thanks to the lack of junk food she was reduced to eating a banana and several oranges and proclaimed them yummy. Well imagine that.

I should have put some time in on the treadmill today but I didn't feel like it. I didn't really feel like doing much of anything. I didn't eat enough calories today and I didn't get my exercise, but it's a process. I did review my nutrition and made some corrections, which is really important on any diet. We all need to be responsible for our own nutrition. No book or guru or blog can take complete care of you. You have to be the most important part of your good health.

I think as the weather warms up all the starts and stops and difficult days will melt away into a much easier time.

Day 46 Forks Over Knives

I'm looking forward to this film coming out - Forks Over Knives.

It about the rejection of animal-based and processed foods - the cornerstone of the standard American diet. Unlike my blog, this one's done by people who have more than my one brain cell. Wow, data, research and findings - OH MY! I don't think it's 100% raw but it should be a good step in the right direction.

I'll be sure to post updates about it when they become available. You can also sign up at the film's website, Forks Over Knives and get the updates emailed directly to you.

Day 45 That Bright Shiny Object? Closer Than It Appears

photo credit ♥.·•Lovely Haru!•·.♥@flickr (seriously...)

You may not realize it, this just being Valentine's Day and all, but there are only 157 days left til the first day of summer. You've rolled your eyes at me, but I did detect your split second heart rate increase. Yes, I did.

If you do absolutely nothing different between now and then you'll spend another summer wishing you were fit and trim at the beach in your new orange bikini. Or whatever rings your bell. Speaking of which, I guess the only logical choice was to put the pink bikini on the doll with pink hair but I oh so wanted to see it the other way around *shrug*

Seriously, if you're one of the 17.2 billion of us who suddenly have that gigantic bright shiny object in the sky come out of no where, leaving a wake of frumpy sweat clad wearers behind, maybe now would be the time to make some inroads...

Today I ate 2,567 raw calories, banged out 2.5 miles at a 4.0 average pace and swam 1 mile - which was 60 straight minutes. I kinda love what's going on with this. I walk around in impossibly baggy sweats, sometimes two pair at a time because it's freakin' cold here. I wear plain, non-descript shirts and over-sized jackets. I toss my hair into a pony tail and forget the make up. I look 'like crap' most of the time. No one sees me. I'm completely invisible. I walk through the market and no one notices me. I go to the gym and though I have less clothes on, I don't have fancy work out stuff. My racing suits are ratty and I'm glad. I'm the invisible woman. I could have gone dancing on both Friday and Saturday nights - the two best days of the entire year thanks to Valentine's Day but I stayed home. On purpose. I washed oranges. I did laundry. I was happy.

Why? Because this is time for me. Just me. I don't care what anyone thinks. In an hour I could dress up and look 'hot' by some standards but that's not what this time is for. This is time for me to finally take care of me, work on my diet, my body and my life. I've never consciously devoted any amount of time, much less a year to the care and feeding of myself. Oh, yes to quite a few others - boyfriends, daughter, my elderly mother, former ungrateful spouse, squirrels, birds, dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, neighbor pets - but never myself.

When would be a good time to start taking care of you? What will you do with your next 157 days? What will you do for yourself over the next year?

Day 44 The Two Types of Raw Food People

photo credit Libraryman@flickr

There are basically two types of raw foodists:
Raw Gourmet and Raw Low Fat.

1. Raw Gourmet. Many people initially embarking on raw food start here. They recreate as many SAD (standard American) diet recipes with raw food as they can. There are websites and glossy magazines devoted to fancy, beautiful raw food. So you have people making fancy stuff as well as pizza and White Castle sliders and crackers, etc., from raw food and you end up with a diet that can be as high as 80% fat and with as many health problems as they had before. Salt also runs a bit rampant in this mix which holds its own health problems.

Besides this flying in the face of proper food combining (a whole 'nother topic) they don't eat a high ratio of fruit and this is the downfall of the gourmet raw foodist - you have to consume enough fruit everyday to make it work. You simply cannot get enough calories from greens, zucchini and tomatoes - you would eat endlessly all day and never make it up. Furthermore, you don't just need 'calories'. You need specific things from those calories. If that were not true, we could all just blissfully chow down on Ho Ho's for the rest of our days and be thin, beautiful and healthy. Right.

1 cup of spinach leaves is only 7 calories. I eat 6 cups a day, sometimes more, but 6 cups are just 42 calories. Wow. Why bother? Well because of the minerals - that's why you'd want to eat those lousy 42 calories. You need that, particularly if you're in your first year. Calorie-wise, you need much more than that, obviously. On good days I eat around 2500 calories so what else am I gonna eat to make that up?! You have to eat high calorie fruit. In fact, this has to be the mainstay of your diet so you replace your glycogen stores. This is why we crave sugar in the first place: To replenish our glycogen stores - the fuel we run on all day.

Granulated sugar will never serve your glycogen stores properly. You'll just need tons and tons of it over and over and it's not the right stuff, so you'll just feel and look like crap. No one ever got thin and healthy eating large amounts of refined sugar and that's a fact. Only whole food (fruit) will meet your bodies requirements - and probably for the first time in your entire life. Wow.

If you eat enough fruit you will never crave sugar again. I have cravings sometimes if I've not eaten enough calories in a day but to my surprise they are never for sugary things because my glycogen needs are finally being met. I admit it's a relief to no longer crave sweets. So what do I crave? Stupid crap like McDonalds cheeseburgers. When I crave that, I know I just need a couple hundred more calories for the day. I finally learned how many calories a day make me tick. It's around 2500.

It's different for everyone but everyone who is a low fat raw foodist or low fat raw vegan needs a lot more calories than you're probably eating now. I've never eaten that much a day on a regular basis in my life. I had to work up to it but it feels good now :)

Those who don't make their calories up in fruit make it up by default in FAT instead. Lots and lots of nuts, tahini, possibly oils and the sad thing is, nuts in America are DEAD. Unless you get them from small independent farms, thanks to the USDA, any nuts you buy in the stores have all been heated - cooked - no longer raw. If you claim to be a raw foodist and you are eating heat treated nuts - you're no longer a raw foodist. You can't even buy them at Whole Foods. An independent store might have them. The way you can tell they are dead is they will not sprout. You're basically eating fat gravel You'd be better off fat-wise on a SAD diet where the fat is around 35-45% than do that to yourself. If you buy nuts locally you need to ask if they've been heat treated. Ask if they're sprout-able. If the person doesn't answer you with conviction either way, yes they're certified raw, they will sprout or no, they've been heat treated and they will not sprout - don't buy them.

Besides the fact they're not raw, even if you buy raw nuts you need to understand that fat will never fill your glycogen stores and you'll be forever craving everything you were trying to get away from in the first place, including your health issues. You cannot make up your other 2458 calories of the day with nuts - aka FAT. You need fruit.

You also need to know that too many nuts will start to affect your teeth. People think it's the sugar in the fruit when they start to have dental problems from a raw food diet, but fruit is not the culprit. It's the nuts. They stick to the teeth and embed in between far more than the fruit ever does. You can rinse the fruit down with water but the nuts stay adhered. Trust me on this one - cut the fat - forget the nuts! I eat some pumpkin seeds once in a while but I'm pretty much even over that. Bottom line - you don't need nuts at all.

Which is not to say you don't need some fat. I track my food everyday and if I need fat, I eat a half an avocado last thing of the day, all by itself. That's it. My body has all night to process the fat, I get to 'sleep on it' and I have no active fruit in my system to get bogged down in the fat - causing blood sugar issues. AH! There is much to learn.

2. Raw Low Fat. Those who eat simply fruits (80%) and vegetables (10%) and fats (10%) and those really into it take the time to learn about food combining (which is not recipes...) and they are adamant about exercise daily. They never try to recreate any of the former SAD foods they ate.

I'm of the 2nd group if you couldn't tell by now, but I'm considered 'transitioning' since it can take a year to fully adopt a raw low fat diet. Wow - just my luck I've set aside a year to do just that. HA! Those who are 100% low fat raw vegan absolutely never, ever eat anything they're not supposed to - not ever. That's why they're considered 100%.

I'm doing better than most people I'm told with my transitioning - mostly because I'm doing it in the public eye so I don't want to cheat or fall back or transition slowly. It's a little tough but I get there nearly all the time. I'd say once every two weeks something stupid happens and we're talking one item - not a Thanksgiving dinner or binging for days on end. It's one item - like some popcorn or a few bites of my daughter's pasta. It's OK. I pay the price which is huge (very painful) and learn once again why I don't want to do that.

The great part is I always get back on the horse, unlike other 'diets', and that's because this isn't just a diet. It's a lifestyle and once you embark on it, it's pretty compelling. Just one example, often gourmet raw foodists are still over weight even a year down the line, they have bloating and digestion and other chronic health issues that they really should be able to get relief from. All dedicated low fat raw foodists are very trim and cut, their faces and bodies have redesigned themselves in the most fantastic ways and they've eliminated their bloating and digestion issues as well as a myriad of health issues. Cut the fat. Up your fruit. Change your life!

As far as all the raw food info out there, a good rule of thumb is if the person is selling you supplements and hawking 'super foods' you might want to take their raw food info with a grain of salt. If you're 100% low fat raw vegan - you won't even have any salt! If you're really doing raw food you wouldn't need processed 'super foods' or any other strange processed preparation. Just RAW FRUITS & VEGETABLES.

Low fat raw vegans/foodists take little if any supplements. I thought I needed calcium recently but upon tracking saw I was actually above the RDA. I supplement Vit D in the winter and I'll supplement B12 as this is a concern for ALL vegetarian type people, but let me tell you - I needed B12 even when I ate meat and many other meat eaters do as well. So there will be no more blaming the veggies ;)

Day 43 Pilates Free - For ME!

When I lived in L.A. I used to attend Pilates classes. Let me tell you, it's a LOT harder than it looks. Sleek little machines with shiny cords and hand holdy things - what could be easier? Well after they scraped me off of it the first time, I had respect.

I moved shortly there after to somewhere the word Pilates didn't even exist. That is until QVC. My friend, a quirky 6'2" guy, saw it on TV and thought that was just what he needed to tone up his already rock hard body.

I remember him telling me about it on the phone. It sounded like a Pilates reformer. But surely he did not just buy a reformer, did he? His description left me confused. He couldn't really read the writing on the side so I was clueless. He's a true country boy who has somehow managed to unwittingly slather metro all over himself.

When I saw it I said, "OMG you have a PILATES REFORMER!" He gave me a bewildered look. Even HE didn't know he was doing Pilates - despite the fact it says right on it: Pilates Power Gym. My friend isn't the most literate or worldly guy, but he's genuine. It cracked me up.

Well, I was secretly jealous of the sleek little steel machine with all the bells and whistles. He was doing the coolest work out around and didn't even know it. At about $300 there was no way I could ever get one. Anytime I'd visit I'd look at it with envy.

The good thing about QVC, however, is they always have something new. Couple that with the fact my friend is a QVC addict and you have a marketers dream. When he gets home from late shift he's always seeing what the latest greatest thing is on TV. I can't even begin to name the various interesting gadgets he has in his house now.

Last night at 3 am he calls me.

He said, "I have a gift for you. Would you like my machine thing that you love?"
"Umm - your Pilates thing?! OMG, what? Really? YES!", I said emphatically.
He said, "I saw a new one on QVC and I just ordered it. I'll bring this one over tomorrow afternoon all oiled and cleaned up for you. Happy Valentines' Day!"

Wow! So right on time my cool new gleaming Pilates reformer shows up, complete with the DVDs it came with.

Now I just need to find the time and motivation to use it.

Day 42 Week 6

photo credit Jennifer Chait

For week 6 I walked 1 mile, did not get any swim time in, which is not to say I had no exercise at all. I did. It just involved the clean up of an enormous mess which pretty much ate up 16 hours of my life in the last week rather than the preferred walking and swimming I usually do.

This week I ate 23 bananas and 54 oranges. To date I've walked 27.15 miles, swam 6 miles and have eaten 165 bananas and 121 oranges. Since my orange consumption is so high I thought it'd be fun to track it. Thank heavens no one is asking me to track baby spinach leaves! In other news, yes, Lori's bananas did come from the same farm as mine. I bought both batches but on different days. Hey, it was fun for me!

Well another difficult beyond belief week. Not having food on Monday just kicked my butt and I continued to live the after effects the rest of the week. I'm trying to get a grip on my food and exercise and sanity. I'm determined to win despite most days being pretty tired and needing a nap. My sleep is really messed up at night. I'll sleep 3-4 hours and BING! I'm done - up all night! Then I crash at 5pm for 2 hours. Yes, it's perpetuating it but honestly, that 5pm sleep is like the BEST sleep ever. I am so warm and happy and I sleep SO well. I decided to go with it today and hopefully things will sort themselves out over time. Maybe I just need to start counting sheep.

My goal is to start to get to the gym first thing in the morning, after my daughter gets on the bus. I'm usually so messed up from not sleeping all night that I just come home and go back to bed, then the day gets away from me and my daughter gets home and that's all she wrote. I'm told I 'have' chronic fatigue syndrome but I don't really like that label. I'd like to think I can FIX it, despite the medical profession being useless other than to assign labels to people. I am not doing that great with it right now but I've not lost hope. I have to wonder if a better label would be 'chronic bullshit' instead of chronic fatigue. Yes, I think that's a better title. The crap that goes on in my life wears me out. Like I said last week, I need some changes. I'm working on them. Maybe God will smile upon me soon.

6 weeks down, 46 to go!

Day 41 Making Up For Lost Time?

photo credit Rocketeer@flickr

Imagine my surprise when I realized I'd logged over 2700 calories for today - and I'm still hungry! What's up with that? I made sure I drank enough water (sometimes we confused hunger with thirst...) and I took a nap and took it easy today. Am I making up for Monday, still? I dunno but that's a new record for me. I'm not worried about it. I don't expect to 'gain weight' at all. Isn't that wild? In the past that'd be considered a banana split day for sure and I'd be beating myself up.

I'm getting a lot more used to eating what I want and not worrying about it. I don't feel like I've lost anymore weight this month but I did a quick waist measurement and lost another inch off my waist. That was pretty exciting. My hair seems to be oddly a lot longer all of a sudden, too. I won't measure til the end of the month but it's very noticeable. Ah - the power of oranges!

I've not been at the pool due to the weather and icy roads. Which is not to say I couldn't hop on my treadmill but I just haven't. Monday killed me, burning something like 3300 calories for the day on no food. I just want to get over this week and get on with it. It's the best I can do.

Day 40 Frozen Orange Juices Futures

photo credit artsydots@flickr

If you've ever seen Trading Places you'll laugh at that title and the pic! I'll bet you a dollar that orange can be reformed! Truth of the matter is it's FREEZING out and last night I bought a fabulous *new* orange squeesher thing (juicer...) and I was excited to be snowed in today to use it. We open it up and it seems someone else already had the same idea. I cannot believe that Bed, Bath and Beyond sold me a USED squeesher. GMAFB!

So this afternoon I head out against my better judgment into the great white-out. They took it back, gave me a *new* squeesher and off I went. Had trouble getting home but finally made it. Let's not do that again.

I hand juiced my oranges this morning but I'm not feeling too well 'cause I did way too much yesterday, didn't eat and made myself really sick. 12 hours of sleep later and some OJ I'm doing a little better but my energy is still lagging behind. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day with plenty of fresh orange juice.

Day 39 Some Days Chicken. Next Day Feathers.

This photo sums up my day exactly

I had a very long and tedious day today cleaning up a total mess. There was no time for myself and no food. I packed food for my day but left it on the counter :( It's freezing beyond belief here and after a 12 hour day with no food I'm just beat. Some days chicken. Next day feathers. It just happens. I grabbed something later but it wasn't the best thing and now I'm sick. Tomorrow will be a better day.

In other news I bought a new orange squeeger thing. You know, a thing that juices oranges :) I'm pretty excited about it. At least I think I will be once this awful bone piercing exhaustion wears off sometime tomorrow.

Day 38 YES They Had NO Bananas Today!

OMG I absolutely could not believe my eyes when I finally got through the crowds at Whole Foods to discover that YES they had NO bananas today! I just stood there in astonishment, blinking away, while the sign that loomed over the deserted lot came into focus and said something about their inability to get fresh produce due to the weather conditions at their warehouse in Washington, D.C.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

My daughter reminded me we needed to get water, too, so it wasn't a total loss but it certainly felt like a total loss. I can live without water. I can't live without bananas!!!

So, off to Paul's Fruit Stand I went. The locked gates reminded me they're closed on Sunday. What are they some puritanical fruit eaters - they don't eat fruit on Sunday? Holy freaking cow.

I begrudgingly drove to Kroger where they had plenty of bananas. Sadly they were mostly green and pathetic looking. I grabbed 3 big bunches since another storm is due. I then stopped at Costco and stocked up on oranges. Truth of the matter is I can just eat more oranges. I actually like them better, they're just not as user-friendly and I'm staring down the day from hell tomorrow and I need user-friendly food. Such is life.

I texted Lori (BFF) to casually inquire about her banana stock...and she said she had 3 left. Well, that's not going to do anyone any good at all! LOL - thank you Lori for sensing the panic in my text and offering me your last 3 bananas. It might have been the all caps that gave me away.

I'll be okay. I just want to carry on about it :D

Day 37 Pantry Progress!

Well, it didn't happen in January but now in February I finally got my pantry and fridge cleaned out of literally tons of stuff that is NOT needed. Many things were just old (graham cracker crumbs, anyone?!) that had to go but there was some 'useful' food for others that I will give away.

My daughter (12) is not fully low fat raw vegan and so there are still things around for her. It's not really good for me but you can only do so much. I have been slowly phasing her into healthier eating, though prying the macaroni and cheese out of her little fingers may prove difficult. She also sits in a classroom all day and can't just go eat a banana or orange if she's hungry, so it's a challenge. Then there is the almighty peer pressure for a kid just launching into the teen scene *HELP*

My plan is to get me there and get her eating better overall. In time we'll find new ways for her to have healthier choices at all times.

I wish I would have had these things introduced to me as a kid. I struggled so watching my mother fail on diet after diet, not to mention my early Milk Bone dog biscuit diet from age 4-8 when not enough other food was available to me since she felt withholding food would prevent me from getting fat like my older sisters were. Turns out my sisters were just growing and it all evened out once they got past puberty. Ugh. The dog and I were great friends. It really sucked when she bought the liversnap flavor. I kept telling her the dog hated those but he didn't help the situation by gulping them down. Damn dog.

I still remember her 'scrambled egg and celery diet' that went on forever and who can forget the, "Peel a Pound Soup" that so many people ate. Ew. I remember feeling hopeless that everything I ate 'made me fat' and either binged or did not eat. At least my daughter has had better info and better nutrition and better examples for all of her life, even if she was on a SAD diet. At least it wasn't a junk food SAD diet.

So, one step at a time. Can't wait to clean out my closet. Tons of clothes that are so old, don't fit one way or another and just must go!